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So, we heard.
(c) Chris Gould
Youre going through a breakup.
(Were so sorry, girl.
We’ve been there.
Big sad face.)
*were here for you.
Even (and especially) if youd like to stay friends.
You just cant go from intimate to insta-friends.
At least not yet.
So, if not now, then when exactly?
All texting, calling, G-chatting, final hookups and hangouts must cease.
You have memories and emotions to process and reflect on.
This perspective will be the foundation of your future friendship.
If you dont lay it now, youll never have a healthy one.
Step 2: No, seriously, get actuals p a c e.It bears repeating.
After grieving the relationship comes healing from the breakup.
Get some physical space…andmentalandemotional space.
It is impossible to go from being physically intimate one day, to having zero feelings the next.
If you think you’re free to, youre lying to yourself.
So if he texts?
Shoot him a brief note saying you need time.
Your goal is to stop thinking about himalllllthe time.
And with that comes shared social functions.
Otherwise… Be civil during group outings.
But be sure, if possible, to separate yourself from him.
If you’re at a party or bar, maybe hang out in a different area.
Plus, the golden breakup rule?
D**on’tbad mouth him to your friends, Steinberg says.
Being honest with yourself during is key.
Heres your Steinberg-assigned self-assessment: Ask yourself, Do I really need or want this person as a friend?
Why is this friendship crucial and important for me to have?
Can I not get my needs met in my other friendships?
Do I have ulterior motives for keeping this person as a friend, like to get him back someday?
Can I focus on giving other guys a chance if this person is in my life?
You must feel NOTHING for him romantically, says Steinberg.
The spark-o-meter must readzero.
Step 5: Test the waters with a text.Fully over the relationship?
If yes, make contact, but keep is short.
I hope youre doing great!
Let’s catch up one of these days.
If he responds with reciprocal interest, thats a good first step.
Set a time to get together for a walk, lunch, or a coffeebut be smart.
Dont put yourselves in a romantic environment, or a situation that can seem misleading, says House.
Be clear and direct about what you want.
The key is that you both have to be on the same page with this.
And yes, start dating again!
Just donotfunnel all your energies into texting, tweeting and talking with your ex.
He might be in your present friend group, but hes in your romantic past.
Be prepared to talk about other people youre dating.
After all, youre just friends now.
Jealousy isnt an option, says House.
Friendship is getting support from someone you care about, after all.
If your bodys first instinct is insane jealousy, take a step back and remember why you broke up.
Trust us, there were legit reasons.
House says you’re able to make an a**hole qualities list if necessary.
Its good that youre recognizing that angst!
It just means you might address leftover pains now.
If he goes on a weekend bender?
If he brings girls around you?
Itll suck for a split-second if he moves on before you do, but remember that someone had to.
Your day is coming, doll.
And wont it be a great one?
Image Credit:Chris Gould
