Youve probably wondered more than once if your relationship tosexis normal.
Do you think about it enough or too much?
Are you having more or less sex than everyone else?
Ted + Chelsea Cavanaugh. Prop Styling by Amy Elise Wilson.
And, more importantly, should you care?
What is libido, exactly?
You might have heard this term used as a catch-all to describe a few different sexual phenomena.
Experts, however, typically use the term libido to refer to the psychological aspect of sexual desire.
Is it the same as sexual arousal?
Not really, but they can be related.
This is why difficulty getting physiologically aroused can inhibit psychological desire and vice versa.
But arousal and libido arent always connected.
This is known asarousal non-concordance.
Theres nothing wrong with it.
Its just something that can happen sometimes when you have a body.
But, like many other things when it comes to sex, this isnt a hard-and-fast rule.
Is it weird if I dont feel turned on until things get going?
Thats called responsive desire, and its the primary throw in of libido for many people, Mark says.
Responsive desire doesnt arise until someone begins engaging in sexual activity, Dr. Castellanos explains.
This is as opposed to spontaneous desire.
Both forms of desire are perfectly natural.
Its also normal to experience both forms at various points or in different contexts.
In our society and in common examples in the media (think: romantic comedies, erotica, etc.
Trust us, youre not.
What counts as a normal libido?
You might have no noticeable libido to speak of and feel perfectly fine with that.
You might feel some level of sexual attraction every day and be fine with that.
Libido can fluctuate due to various factors well get into later, but our point still stands.
This kind of reductive thinking is oppressive to people of all genders.
Is there such thing as too low or too high libido?
This goes back to that whole no-normal thing.
Another common issue that can lead to a lower libido isdyspareunia, the medical term for pain during sex.
How normal is it for my libido to yo-yo?
If you’re human, you’re going to have fluctuations in your sexual desire, Dr. Castellanos says.
How do my hormones influence my libido?
Experts dont fully understand how this works yet.
Estrogen:Some experts believe that higher levels of circulating estrogen may play a role in increasing libido.
(In addition to that whole sustaining a new life thing.)
Testosterone:As mentioned above, testosterone is a pretty major player in this game.
What if my partners libido is higher or lower than mine?
This is called a sexual desire discrepancy, Mark explains, and its not inherently a problem.
Think about how you and your partner likely need or desire different amounts ofsleep, food, and exercise.
(You never/always want to have sex, whats wrong with you?)
It can also become a problem when one person takes the imbalance personally.
(He doesnt want to have sex because he doesnt find me attractive.)
Can I increase my libido?
And, spoiler alert, none of these natural aphrodisiacs have solid scientific evidence to back them up.
Beyond that, increasing your libido really depends on why it was low in the first place.
You might see that sexual desire will follow.
This produces a negative sexual experience that can actually further decrease desire and satisfaction in relationships, Mark explains.
10. Who should I talk to if Im unhappy about my libido?
If your sex drive is causing you distress, seeking professional help is important given how complex libido is.
This usually isnt really something it’s possible for you to just diagnose yourself, Mark says.
The best provider depends on your underlying issue and the kind of care to which you have access.
They have the specialized knowledge to help you explore issues like a sexual desire discrepancy or lack of communication.
