I was still the jigsaw piece that didntquitefit.
And the growth Ive experienced after transitioning is nothing short of life-affirming.
But my initial transition wasnt easy, and there were a lot of pitfalls and traps along the way.
Joey Kotfica/Getty Images
Here, 10 trans-identifying people share what they wish they had known before they transitioned.
(Interviews have been edited for length and clarity.)
I grew up in a tough, hostile home environment.
Courtesy of Max
Facing that and a society that discourages female voices made everything even more difficult.
I felt like I couldn’t trust myself.
It took finding feminism to realize that my voice mattered.
Courtesy of Marissa
I fought with myself for quite a while.
But my outward appearance of happiness [masked] self-hatred.
Still, I felt that I needed to be sure.
Courtesy of Steph
Over and over, I asked others if they could tell me if I was trans.
Deep down I knew the answer, but I needed confirmation.
Her family was not accepting her transition.
Courtesy of Marceline Cook
When I stood up for her, I realized that I could stand up for myself, too.
I came out to the support group as a boy (with my hair still in pigtails).
That was a year ago.
Yesterday, I went in for my first testosterone appointment.
I am just now accepting who I am, for myself.
Orientation: Straight-ish
For the majority of people, transitioning can help body dysphoriabut it might also trigger it.
My eating disorder history was, in many ways, rooted to gender dysphoria.
I wish that I had planned for this in some way.
It’s true that hormone therapy radically changes your body, but not always in ways you might expect.
For a while, especially as I got acclimated, my migraines and panic attacks both got noticeably worse.
The way I orgasm changed.
Also, the way I think changed.
I swear there’s more dial tone now and less constant background chatter.
Transitioning does not have to be prohibitively expensive.
The largest financial hurdles for me were starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and changing my wardrobe.
My gender is binary male and I have not had, nor do I want, any surgery.
It took a long time to understand that my breasts don’t make me any less male.
I am male, period.
You are not obligated to be a trans role model.
With how fast the community is changing, six-plus years in means I’m already a trans elder.
I hate having to say this one.
But neither of us was truly prepared for how deeply the changes would affect us.
Wherever you are and however you look, you are still the same person.
When I talk to young trans people, this is the biggest thing I stress.
Transitioning is a way to live your truth more authentically, but your baggage will still come with you.
For all its challenges, transitioning is the best thing I ever did for myself.
Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Support groups are only as good as the people that comprise them.
You will run into great people…and not so great people.
Do not feel obligated to stay in one if there are people that make you uncomfortable.
Misogyny is exceptionally rampant and ingrained in society.
Don’t be afraid to cut ties with friends or family if they are not supportive.
I knew it was not going to be a panacea, that there would be gains and sacrifices.
It was a state of being I could only achieve in the past through temporary and often self-destructive means.
On the negative side are the belittling, derisive, and dehumanizing glares and attitudes.
While not unexpected, it is the kind of flotsam that has become a part of my daily life.
Only now it’s balanced and healthier.
I’m politically and socially progressive, and I wasn’t completely unaware of privilege on a conceptual basis.
It can work for you and it can work against you.
He was supportive of my transition and has been incredibly accommodating of my upcoming gender realignment surgery.
But there’s a downside.
I found myself on the outside of major decisions rather quickly.
What is with men talking over women in meetings?
Where did that come from?
At the same time, I found that cisgender women were authentically supportive.
So many more reached out to talk with me and to help me celebrate my transition.
One woman gave me a silver necklace with my transition date stamped on it.
I rarely take it off.
I find lovely messages and sticky notes left anonymously on my desk thanking me for inspiring them.
Good luck with that.
I haven’t been strong this long to stop now!
For most of my life, the gender binary was assumed and thoughtlessly enforced.
Since then, I’ve researched and dug and found words to describe my actual feelings.
I’ve also found a group of people who also have been asking similar questions.
I’m not alone.
But at the same time, no one else has the same answers as I do.
No one else is experiencing gender or relearning of themselves in the same way.
Another thing I would tell myself is that it’s fine to take small steps.
Speak up when you and only you decide it’s time.
You owe no one a follow, an ear, or an apology.
Your transition is your own.
The one thing it didn’t mention was how hungry I would be all the time.
I had always thought those jokes about teenage boys being like bottomless food pits were exaggerations.
I had to eat every few hours and I’m not talking snacksI’m talking full meals.
And I wasn’t just hungry, I was hungry andreallycranky about it.
That was probably the worst of it for me.
Gender: Nonbinary Femme
I wish that I’d known just how awful [testosterone suppressants] are.
They havediuretic effectsand the frequent and urgent need to pee is true.
I need to hydrate constantly, and oddly, dill pickles became a massive craving.
My chosen family has become critical for methey are affirming and supportive.
There are lots of trans people in my circle and we strongly rally together.
Without other trans people, I never would have survived this and learned that I could thrive.
Without them, I would not have gained the confidence to be myself openly, unapologetically, and honestly.
I now have the energy and trust to work with him and see through the tough times.
It turns out an old dog can learn new tricks!
I spent half my life ashamed and scared of who and what I was.
I wish I had known how wonderfully my friends and family would embrace the authentic me.
I feel like a kid at the playground again, where meeting a new friend could happen every day.
In many ways, it was simply my decision to trust myself that made me certain.
Nothing is worse than constantly beating yourself up.
I felt like I’d been renting a space in my body for what seemed like an eternity.
Nothing feels more exciting, scary, and wonderful than deciding to really move into yourself.
I like people to know just how much happiness was waiting for me after my transition.
My worth was suddenly lowered.
Ive gained a lot of new friends and I married my beautiful wife.
I even became closer to my family, particularly my mother.
Transition isnt easy and theres still a lot of misinformation surrounding and oppression of trans people.
