But there is the clarity of hindsight.
“I can’t remember ever wanting kids, except maybe as a preschooler.
My mother and stepmother both acted as if child rearing was tantamount to roasting in hell.
Trinette Reed / Stocksy
(My stepmother also battered and psychologically mistreated me.
I’ve heard that that often dissuades women from wanting children.)
It helped that my now-husband was adamantly anti-kid.
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I might have allowed myself to be swayed otherwise.
My mom is disappointed.
People may say I’m selfish.
They’d be right!
I would so resent caring for children.
Every time I hear aboutpeople’s problems with their children, I think, I dodged a bullet.
No regrets so far.
Interestingly, though, I often daydream about step or foster children.
We agreed to delay the decision about children until we were 30.
I was 37 and very conflicted.
I did actually get pregnant, but thenhad a miscarriage.
He blamed me and the marriage never recovered.
Perhaps the reason is that I was the youngest of four children and had little experience with babies.
I honored that decision, as we both agreed that the world did not need another mouth to feed.
That marriage lasted only three years, which only confirmed the wisdom of my decision.
Now, 72 years old, I have never regretted it.
I have been able to work and to live in several countries other than the U.S.
These life, career, and financial decisions were made easier by being childfree.
Seven decades of feminist activism have enabled us to challenge many long-accepted limiting roles for women.
My hope is that current and future generations of women will defend and expand these rights.”
Roberta C., 72
“I married in 1996 and we are childless by choice.
Even without that consideration, would we have the energy as we got older to handle a childs needs?
- We are different faiths: I am a Christian and he’s Jewish.
My husband is the youngest of four siblings, and has many cousins.
The children and grandchildren of these kinships are in many ways the children we didn’t have.
Our marriage is a good one, and we have no regrets that we didn’t have children.”
I’ve only had a few days of my life when I veered from that.
I immediately thought, but what if I do?
and it preoccupied my mind for the rest of the week.
These are not good reasons to bring human beings into the world.
Nor are they conducive to raising children to be happy, healthy, and responsible members of society.
And there isn’t anyone to suggest I might be better off in a nice tidy apartment somewhere.
The friends I am closest to do not have children.
I do know that as I get older I’ll have more problems because of my health.
I will be on my own but I’m building my resilience and honing my coping skills."
This bothered me, a lot.
My answeran emphatic ‘None!
‘seemed to startle them.
‘Youll change your mind someday,’ theyd always say.
Well, Im 48 now and I never did change my mind.
Ill take a roomful of kittens over a room full of children any day.
Trix M., 48
I was never the jot down of child who thought about weddings or babies.
I have lost boyfriends over the years when they realized that I was not gung-ho to have kids.
I would say that I lost touch with half of my colleagues/friends who had kids.
They re-defined themselves and only spent time with other couples who had kids of similar ages.
I really value this role and sometimes I think its better than being a parent.
There are days when I do regret not having kids.
I missed out on a profound experience.
I wonder if I passed up something really sacred.
It could still happen.
Maybe I will foster when I am older and not traveling as much."
My husband and I divorced after almost 20 years together, but the children issue was not a factor.
As an adult, I still wanted to be a parent.
It wasnt until mymid-30sthat I was happily settled with a partner whom I considered parenting with.
I didnt feel I had the energy both to be a parent and work a demanding job.
My parents adopted and fostered kids in addition to having their own.
Growing up in a family like that, I learned that there are always opportunities to care for children.
