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I dont blame you.
Dmytro Bilous/Adobe Stock
Luckily, a learning curve is completely normal when it comes to using a strap-on.
Here are a few to keep in mind when you don your harness:
1.
First, come prepared.
There are a few boxes you want to check before you dive into strap-on sex.
First things first, you want to verify you have the right equipment.
Wear the strap-on around before using it.
It really helps if the first time you wear your strap-onisntduring sex.
You should give yourself time to get familiar with what its like to wear a harness.
Wear your harness around the house as you do non-sexual activities, such as washing dishes or watching TV.
Watch videos of people using strap-ons.
Yep, as inporn.
Especially amateur videos, Maggie L., 31, suggests to SELF.
Use your hands to control it.
Finding what feels good and feels natural always takes some experimenting.
Foranalin particular, Cobb recommends having the receiver start on all fours too.
This is one of the most common pegging positions, she says.
She also shouts out lying on your stomach as a similarly newbie-friendly pegging position.
Stop worrying about what you look like.
Stop trying to find a sexy harness!
Its inevitably going to look a little bit like youre going rock climbing.
The harness is sexy when my partner wears it because my partner is sexy.
Ask your partner how it feels.
This is obviously something you should be doing anyway (communication!
), but it can be particularly helpful when using a new toy.
Especially a toy you might not have total control over.
My poor partner put up with a lot of low-key stabbing.
Go slow and check in along the way.
Same goes for the receiver, by the way.
If something feels uncomfortable, say something, says Finn.
Dont be afraid to practice thrusting.
Im not embarrassed to admit that I humped some pillows early in my strap-on days, says Lily.
It helped me get in the zone and figure out the different ways I can roll my hips.
Also it was basicallymasturbating, so win-win.
Speaking of, dont forget grinding.
Roll your hips and grind that strap.
I love getting blow jobs from my husband, Melissa R., 28, tells SELF.
It felt silly at first but it turned out to be really hot.
Just ensure you followbest hygiene practiceswhen you experiment.
Explore different kinds of strap-ons.
When I wear it, my partner gets the penetration she wants and I can grind on her leg.
We get a lot closer with it than our other harness.
Lily suggests the Bondage Boutique Leg Strap-On Harness ($25,lovehoney.com).
Total sidebar: Etsy is an awesome place for gorgeous indie harnesses in general.
Be down to laugh at yourself.
This is another golden rule of sex that is especially helpful to keep in mind when experimenting with strap-ons.
You have to be able to embrace the inherent comedy of the situation and roll with it.
