Some lessons are just too good not to pass along.
Heres the advice that they say has made the biggest difference in their lives.
Oftentimes, people’s judgments of you are reflections of their own struggles or insecurities.
E S Kibele Yarman
I was ending a marriage.
I felt a huge sense of relief and peace after this guidance.
I didn’t blame myself anymore because it really was not all my fault.
The individual I was divorcing really needed and deserved their own therapy, they just refused to seek it.
Rachel D., 33
2.
If youre happy, be happy.
She said, If youre happy, be happy.
Shaina K., 31
3.
Stop putting all your effort into relationships with people who dont put in the same effort.
It also helps me not blame myself for every friendship that went wrong.
Allison R., 20
4.
It is not your job to control someone elses reaction to you.
Theyre allowed to feel how they feel, Im allowed to feel how I feel.
Their response is not up to me.
This advice, and therapy in general, helps me manage my anxiety around how they feel about it.
Its not mine to manage.
Stephanie S., 31
5.
Im not alone in what Im experiencing.
Therapy taught me that my problems arent as terminally unique as I thought they were.
Kevin H., 31
6.
Youre allowed to grieve things and people that are still in your life.
We had talked about marriage and kids, and suddenly that wasnt going to happen for us anymore.
I had to pretend that I was fine when I was actually broken inside.
Sometimes you lose people in ways other than death.
Allowing myself to mourn that loss helped me gain closure.
Samantha O., 31
7.
You cant change the person or their behavior, only your reaction to it.
I learned this lesson when my marriage was ending.
Once I changed the way I reacted, the arguments didnt escalate.
As I became more comfortable, I was able to set boundaries.
I use this tactic all the time in personal relationships but also dealing with difficult people professionally.
Linda D., 59
8.
Owning the way you feel is the first step to taking control.
And owning and having power over that is the first step in taking control of said feelings.
For me, its been the biggest help when it comes to dating, or a lack thereof.
Accepting and understanding why I care so much has helped me loosen the reins on it.
Jonathan L., 31
9.
Saying no is always an option.
The best thing Ive taken away so far from therapy is just that saying noisan option.
But learning that people wont automatically hate me for saying no has been so helpful.
Also related: Im responsible for holding the boundaries that I want to set.
Kelly G., 31
10.
You dont need to feel happy every minute of every day for your life to be a success.
This lesson took a long time for me to learn.
I saw my sadness and the not-so-great parts of my life as proof of failure.
It took a long time for my therapist to help me realize that sadness is part of life.
It doesnt indicate failure.
Actually, it doesnt indicate anything other than that youre human and youre experiencing a totally human emotion.
I dont take a stab at force myself to feel differently.
I dont worry about what that one day of sadness says about my life as a whole.
Now I just acknowledge the sadness and then let it pass by.
It has brought me so much peace!
Aimee W., 29
11.
Define your values and make decisions based on them.
This was the most simple but applicable guidance I received in therapy.
When I first started experiencing anxiety, I would be asked, Well, whats making you anxious?
Oftentimes, its hard to identify, and anxiety manifests in different ways.
Journaling has also really helped me understand my anxiety and make it easier to make values-based decisions.
Katie O., 29
12.
You cant control other peoples boundaries.
If someone doesnt respect your boundaries, its on you to remove yourself from that situation.
And understanding that when someone doesnt respect them, I have an opportunity to walk away.
Emily A., 33
13.
Those two things can coexist; I dont need to choose one over the other.
Learning this and remembering it has improved my relationships with my family members significantly.
Its taught me to not expect things they cant give and focus on loving and appreciating what they can.
Sarah L., 29
See more from ourGuide to Caring for Your Mental Health here.
