This article is part of SELFsKeep It Hotpackage, a collection of content that celebrates love and lust.
Weve all seen themthe couples who cant keep their hands off each other.
But sometimes you see a different kind of couple.
Getty Images/Amanda K Bailey
One that clearly has a number of years under their belt.
Two people who have grown into and with each other.
How do they do it?
What do they know that we dont?!
Most of us are well-versed in the romantic rush of something new.
But what happens when the new gets old?
Of course, that kind of commitment might be anathema for some folks.
And some peopleshouldnt stay together.
about what it takes to keep the fires stoked.
Stay open-minded about your sex life.
The other crucial element is that we never, ever criticize each others bodies.
In our 22 years, not once has my partner made me feel ashamed of my body.
Instead, hes made me feel celebrated.
Toby, 22 years together
2.
Carve out time for just the two of you.
My husband and I have twin teenage boys.
It doesnt have to be an over-the-top fancy date night.
Jill, 20 years together
3.
Learn each others values.
We have learned about and accepted each others love language.
We talk about what is important to us and what makes us feel loved.
Sometimes the littlest acts of love can feel the most intimate.
Often its the smallest efforts that have the biggest payoff.
Christopher, 22 years together
4.
Try not to let arguments turn into screaming matches.
Its a bedrock of our strength and our connection.
But maintaining that foundation of trust and respect is what keeps us strong, connected, and in love.
Dawn, 24 yearstogether
5.
Put regular sex dates on the calendar.
My husband and I recommend aregularly scheduledsex/intimacy date.
If the time rolls around and one or the other of you isnt into it, thats okay.
Use the time to enjoy each others company in other ways.
Maybe talking turns into snuggling.
Maybe snuggling is all you need.
Maybe snuggling turns into something else.
Also, speaking as a woman in my 60s who hitmenopausein my late 50s, lube rules!
As does a small dose of estradiol [a form of hormone replacement therapy].
If sexbecomes uncomfortableat any age!dont be afraid to talk to your doctor.
Lynn, 31 years together
6.
Nurture your friendship and delegate household tasks.
My partner and I were friends first, and we continually invest in our friendship.
And speaking of responsibilities: Delegate!
My husband loves to cook, and I love to do finances.
Neither of us are good at home repair, and were thrilled that TaskRabbit came along.
Laurin, 24 years together
7.
Find ways to make each other feel appreciated.
We have been married almost 50 years.
During all that time, its been important that we each continually communicate that the other is loved.
My husband tells me he loves me constantly; he tells me I am the most beautiful person.
For me, Im most comfortable giving hugs each night when we climb into bed.
Mona, 50 years together
8.
Realize that choosing love is like exercising a muscle that only gets stronger over time.
Continuously decide to choose your partner, with all of their virtues and faults.
It can sometimes feel like work.
At first this was a daily, conscious choice for me and my wife.
But now its just how we livein an awesome groove that makes the choice easy.
Maximizing the little bright spots naturally limits frustration, anger, and resentment.
A joyful, positive outlook simply becomes the routine.
Andrew, 20 years together
9.
Dont be afraid to do your own thingand let your partner do theirs.
My husband and I have alwaysrespected each other as individuals.
We have interests and friends that dont always commingle.
But we come back together and share those experiences with each other.
It allows us to learn, and it keeps our relationship interesting.
Because I dont spend all my time with him, Iwantto spend time with him.
Micromanaging is not sexy!
Kelly, 30 years together
10.
Learn to be flexible, and know when to step up.
When youre married to a jazz musician, the first thing you learn to do is improvise.
Its a good way to live your life, really.
Relationships have a lot of ups and downs.
Thats when I took over.
In a partnership, you have to know when to reverse roles.
You have to have the sensitivity to know when your partner needs you.
Everyone has weak momentsits part of being human.
Sometimes you have to see the other persons pain and step in.
When I met my husband, he listened to classical music.
I, on the other hand, listened to The Doors, Led Zeppelin, and Janis Joplin.
He was into literature; I was into art.
He was born on the East Coast; I was a native California girl.
But he was kind, smart, and enjoyed being with my family.
We both valued honesty, spirituality, hard work, devotion to family, andthe big oneintegrity.
I believe that sharing these core values is what has kept our marriage intact through the ups and downs.
He is my best friend, my love, my soulmate.
And I would do it all over again.
Linda, 47 years together
12.
Be each others #1 supporter.
We were friends firstI think thats one of the main ingredients.
We call it being yay for each other.
Maitejosune, 27 years together
13.
Realize that sometimes its okay to go to bed angry.
Music is our connector.
People say, Dont go to bed angry, but that doesnt work for us.
Sometimes we just need time to sort things out, and that means honoring thespace we may require.
I could hardly breathe.
/ And I love you so well.
/ I follow you wherever time will take me to.
/ Forever Ill be one with you.
/ One with you.
And our love story began again.
Roleen, 50 yearstogether
14.
Know that, yes, communication reallyiskey.
Im not saying these cant be important parts of maintaining closeness.
Its just that they really dont mean much unless they mean much.
And the only way to know what means the most to you or your partner is through communication.
Weve been successful at growing our love through a 21-year marriage because we talk things out.
I pretty much learned right away that my husband is not a mind reader.Respectful communicationis what works for us.
Its the root of all of it.
Its created a safe place where we can share what we need from each other to continue to grow.
Sarah, 24 years together
15.
Its not sexy, but couples therapy is our secret.
Love and attraction cant thrive under those circumstances.
Communicating our needs clearly to our partners is what makes love last, andtherapycan certainly help with that.
Kim, 20 years together this April
Related:
