Theyre busy climbing the corporate ladder while Im over here writing my little stories at home.

I then arrive at the awful conclusion that its because Im not doing as well as they are.

As you might imagine, this has been not-great for my self-esteem.

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Its built into our DNA, she tells SELF.

We are concerned about how the world sees us.

We look to otherstheir jobs, family life, vacationsas a measure or guide of how were getting along.

If you constantly weigh your worth and question your progress, stick with me.

Reflect on what comparison makes you feel.

Before you might change how comparison affects you, it helps to understand what youre actually feeling.

Dr. Hafeez recommends getting familiar with the emotions and thoughts that surface when you compare your success to others.

Identifying these feelingsandaccepting themwithout judgmentis often the first step in processing them in a healthier way.

Once you know what youre feeling, Dr. Hafeez recommends asking yourselfwhy.

Or perhaps youre burnt out, unfulfilled, or worried youre not on the right path.

Other people just hold up a mirror, she says.

Of course, not every comparison is a deep emotional wound.

Sometimes, you simply know what you want and feel impatient watching others get there first.

Take note of your own successes.

You may not have what others have, but you have other things, says Dr. Hafeez.

To do this, you might have to redefine or expand what success even means to you.

I also set professional boundaries to avoidburnout.

Map out your goals and take action.

Finally, using the insights you gathered above, vision board what you want to comenext.

As Dr. Hafeez told me, Fixing the problem is the best thing to come out of reflection.

Coming up with solutions and pursuing them can alleviate feelings of anxiety and poorself-esteem, research shows.

So ask yourself: What do I care about?

What do I want in life that I dont currently have?

Then list out the specific steps you oughta take to get to inch toward those goals.

Boosting my rates would be nice too.

Maybe for you, thats taking a course in a new field or kickstarting that dog-walking business.

Success, or at least the idea of what constitutes it, comes in many different flavors.

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