Julie Stamm was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (M.S.)
in 2007, when she was 27 years old.
The course of M.S.
Being diagnosed with M.S. can make you reevaluate your relationships.
Stamm had been experiencing symptoms for six years before she finally got a diagnosis.
At the time, she and her boyfriend had been together for two years.
Though he never explicitly said it, she felt like a burden to him because of her M.S.
Six years later, they got a divorce and Stamm swore she would never marry again.
She doubted anyone else would love or want her because of her condition.
Then she met Adam, a man who loves and supports her in a way she never thought possible.
Theyve been together for nine years and have a five-year-old son together.
We asked Stamm what having M.S.
has taught her about love and relationships.
Here is her story, as told to Kathryn Watson.
I was 27 years old and felt like all of my dreams were coming true.
But something was wrong.
In fact, something had been wrong for a long time.
These symptoms were only growing worse.
My weight was dropping rapidly, and my body no longer felt like my own.
As my symptoms compounded, I was referred to multiple urologists and gastroenterologists.
No one seemed to have any answers, which stressed me out even more.
I knew that people at work were talking about what was going on with me.
Some were assuming that I had some kind of eating disorder.
Even though some of my coworkers were sympathetic, some were not.
That experience, it turned out, would leave a lasting scar.
My breaking point came one day when I couldnt get my legs to work.
Usually I could walk home to my apartment, but that day I had to take a cab.
I was terrified, wondering what could happen to my body next.
I couldnt go on this way.
After many more appointments and more dismissals from medical providers, I went to a psychiatrist.
A spinal tap confirmed that I havemultiple sclerosis.
When I got the news my relief was far greater than my fear.
Yes there was fear and anger, but I felt more empowered than anything.
I hoped that I could finally get better and go back to the life I was building.
I had every intention to stay at the job that had seemed so promising.
I have always been a very independent person, and I didnt want people to see me any differently.
take anything else away from me.
Then something happened that made me feel hopeful.
After only a year and a half of dating, my boyfriend from London proposed.
I said yes, and we got married soon afterward.
Telling potential partnerstotal strangersabout this M.S.
world that I was learning to navigate was incredibly daunting.
What if people assumed things about me the way my former coworkers had?
What if they thought I was someone who was weak and couldnt take care of herself?
Would people reject me before they even got to know me?
I didnt know how people would react to my M.S., and I didnt want to find out.
So we got married and, at first, things went just the way I had hoped.
But it wasnt long before the cracks started to show.
My new husband loved being active, going skiing, and traveling the world.
Id sit in the ski lodge every year, feeling miserable.
There were so many things my ex wanted to do that I just couldnt participate in.
I started to feel like I was a burden to him.
We were living apart before our sixth wedding anniversary and signed divorce papers about a year after that.
I had loved my ex-husband, and I still do love him for the person he is.
After that experience I decided I would never get married again.
But life still had quite a few things to teach me about relationships.
The right person wont get hung up on your diagnosis.
On my first night out post-divorce I met my now partner, Adam.
So I blurted out the truth: I use catheters because M.S.
means I cant control my bladder.
Is there anything I need to do?
I couldnt believe how casual he was being.
Isnt that kind of like needing glasses to see?
He smiled and ordered us another round of beers.
It came as a shock when Adam thought it was one of the less notable things about me.
Maybe the world could be a kinder, or at least more accepting, place than I was imagining.
Maybe I could at least give people more of a chance to accept me, M.S.
you could still have a love story with M.S.
I told Adam about the divorce and that I wasnt looking for anything serious.
Thats just the way it is.
From that moment on, we were inseparable.
We very quickly started spending every night together.
He was also hilarious.
I had never been so head over heels about a person.
Because of M.S., I sometimes have to lean on someone to help me walk.
I always have more trouble on my left side than on my right side.
Now every time I looked to my left, Adam was just there.
Like hed always belonged there.
Its the perfect metaphor for our life together: Hes always right where I need him to be.
Even with M.S., life can be full of beautiful surprises.
But about three years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant.
It was a happy surprise, and we were both thrilled.
Jack is five now, and Adam is the best father I could imagine.
For example, if Jack gets hurt at the playground I am a mess.
He keeps it together and puts my worries at ease.
Another interesting turn our life took was moving to Colorado in 2020.
My diagnosis has meant setting up our lives in a way thats a little less traditional.
Adam works from home running his own business, and Im an M.S.
patient advocate, peer-to-peer advocate, and a support group leader for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.
Ive written a book about being a mom with M.S.
calledSome Days: A Tale of Love, Ice Cream, and My Moms Chronic Illness.
Were together for the better part of every day.
doesnt mean my partner is stuck with mehe gets to be with me.
Adam and I have been together for nine years now.
We havent gotten married yet but he asks me at least once a week.
I think one of these days Im probably going to say yes.
But for now, I still want to feel like we wake up and choose each other every day.
Theyre doing things for you becausethey want to be with you, theygetto be with you.
is a part of our story because its a part of my life.
But the things we laugh about and do together and share are so much bigger than any health condition.
I dont spend a lot of time feeling guilty about limiting Adam in what hes able to do.
This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
