If someone you love is hurting themselves throughself-harm, you may feel at a loss.
Or maybe they have opened up to you, but youre still unsure of the right way to help.
National Library of Medicine.
Morgan Johnson
Given that everyself-harm scenario(and friendship) is a little different, its hard to issue one-size-fits-all advice.
A lot of how you handle this will depend on the specific situation.
Before you say anything, choose a good time for both of you.
You also want to be aware of whereyoureat so you might be assupportiveas possible.
You may be nervous to ask specifically if theyre hurting themselves.
you could try a more open-ended question to see if they volunteer the information, like Whats going on?
It may release what may have been a frightening secret, Dr. Cantor says.
I think part of me wanted someone to ask if I was OK, she says.
Then invite them to talk about whats causing their pain, Dr. Cantor says.
Listen until theyre done sharingdont jump in to offer advice or attempt to relate it to your own experiences.
Focus your questions on the emotional triggers preceding theself-harmand the effects following it.
You want to identify the feelings happening around the action, not judge the action itself, Freeman says.
are generally appropriate, Dr. Cantor says.
you could also try something like, Have you thought about talking to someone?
Lets say your friend seems resistant totherapy, though.
They dont need to commit for life, just to that first step.
Just dont ignore your own mental and emotional capacity in the process.
Respect that, Zendegui says, and extend an open invitation to talk anytime.
you could always gently bring it up again later.
It might take weeks or months and multiple tries, Zendegui says.
While that may be frustrating and upsetting, you cant force it.
In Meghans case, she appreciated her friends standing offer to revisit the subject at a later date.
I actually dont think we ever really talked about it again, she says.
National Library of Medicine.
Here are some things not to say:
Avoid voyeurism, Freeman says.
While you might be curious to hear the details, theyre not relevant in getting your friend help.
I didnt blame her for her reaction, but it definitely hurt my feelings a little, Meghan says.
Youre already pretty ashamed and judging yourself.
Dont attempt to convince your friend that their feelings arent justified or that their behavior isnt rational.
Glass half-full isnt going to work here.
Do not give your friend any kind of ultimatum, Zendegui says.
Quitting self-harm requires much more than willpower,NAMIexplains.
There is a decent chance that issuing an ultimatum will actually make things worse.
Remember, there are limits to how much you could do.
No matter what, your friend may dismiss or reject what you say, Dr. Cantor says.
These changes are often cumulative and take time.
She eventually stopped with the help of her mom and atherapist.
Its reasonable to be nervous about having this conversation.
Try rehearsing what youre going to say beforehand, Zendegui says.
Its also a good idea to be prepared to use supportive nonverbal communication.
