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Clients often tell me: Maybe if I give it a few more months, things will change.
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Maybe we just need some space.
Maybe couples therapy will help.
Maybe I should change my needs and expectations.
Maybe I need to give an ultimatum.
Feeling conflicted about ending a relationship makes sense.
So, how do you know when its finally time to walk away?
If youre thinking about leaving a romantic relationship, these are some critical questions to ask yourself.
Is the relationship abusivephysically or emotionally?
On average,nearly 20 people per minuteare physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States.
Another reason abuse can be difficult to identify: It doesnt always leave visible marks.
Is my mental health making it hard to see the situation clearly?
This kind of distorted and catastrophic thinking coupled with low self-esteem can make staying seem like the only option.
Conversely, being depressed or anxious could also cloud your view of a relationship that is worth saving.
Am I staying out of love or out of obligation?
This can hold you back from mutually fulfilling relationshipsand is also atrait of codependency.
And, yep, therapy can give you the tools to help make that happen.
(Here are some tips forfinding an affordable therapist).
What are my needs and values?
And I find that it can be helpful to pay attention to those underlying needs and values during arguments.
For example, if youre fighting about money and budgets, what need is not being met here?
Is it financial safety and security, or maybe freedom and independence?
Then ask yourself, What is the underlying value behind this need?
Maybe you value havingmoney saved for the future, or treating yourself and your loved ones.
(More on that next.)
