Bari Tessler didnt always have her finances in order.
A professional like that didnt really exist, so she became one herself.
Because money is never just about money, as Tessler states on herwebsite.
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A financial therapists aim is to discover why you make the financial decisions you do.
Tessler works with clients one-on-one, and teaches a yearlong course she calls The Art of Money.
We sat down to talk about how we can all have a healthy relationship with our finances.
Bari Tessler:For most people, we project a lot onto money.
The whole spectrum of emotions can come up.
There are typically eight areas that people are coming to me for.
The first is clarity; they dont know their numbers at all.
Four is ease and peace of mind.
Five is success and learning to discover what their definition of it is.
Seven is hope: Some people that come to me are in despair and have almost completely given up.
And eight is for support.
We havent been taught to ask for help, and some of us dont know how to accept it.
Having emotions when it comes to money is totally normal.
Because most of us are not given a financial education from grade school up.
Were expected to just know this stuff.
But I dont like the word negative.
I want to get more specific.
Its not just this general lump of negativity.
What comes up for you?
Do you feel angry that you’re gonna wanna deal with this part of life?
Do you feel anxious?
Do you feel sad?
Its not like the emotions are going to go away, but they get smaller, they can diminish.
The biggest thing is that you know how to deal with them.
Ill give you an example.
I had a client who decided early on she was going to be financially independent.
She had invested in real estate and had made a lot of money.
But every time she went to dinner with her friends, she felt a lot of guilt and anxiety.
Its different for everyone.
Each person needs to define what a healthy relationship looks like for them.
What phase of life are you in?
What are your goals, what are your priorities, what are your values?
I can ask those same questions six months in, a year later, two years later.
Were always going to need to adjust our definition because things happen.
So I think its good to check in every year.
One step at a time.
And we need to show ourselves compassion and forgiveness, and be gentle with ourselves.
Well number one, I want to invite everyone to do a body check-in.
Theyre not bad, theyre not wrong, we all have them.
What memories come up with that?
Start to gather information and data about your stories, patterns, and money beliefs.
Understanding your emotional response and the way you think about money is the first step to changing your habits.
For example, one of my clients had a lot of medical bills because his wife hadcancer.
So he decided to rename this category of expense for his wife, to honor her.
Number two is to learn how to use a bookkeeping system, learn how to track your numbers.
Just learning how totrack your income and expensesto start to get in touch with your patterns.
What are your usual expenses?
Within a year, theyre going to happen.
Then we can start to understand income and expenses better and cash flow.
Try renaming your debts so its not that damn debt!
Answers have been edited for length and clarity.
