All products featured on Self are independently selected by our editors.

However, we may receive compensation from retailers and/or from purchases of products through these links.

Maybe you and your partner bicker about money, household chores, or parenting styles.

Vintage image of couple fighting

CSA Images/Getty Images

Perhaps you cant stand their tone of voice whilediscussing logisticsor your skin crawls when you talk about politics.

However, it does mean that you will, inevitably,butt heads.

But we humans are complicated, messy creatures, which means we dont always behave rationally.

After all, as Brateman puts it: Its notthatyou fight, itshowyou fight.

You blame each other.

Its 6:55 and theyre still in the shower and you are…fuming.

You knew we were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago!

Should they have managed their time better?

Perhaps, but Brateman says blaming is one of the more commontoxic behaviorsshe sees in unhappy couples.

The fix: Use I statements.

When can we talk?

Or, back to the dinner reservation example: I get really anxious when were late to things.

You employ the silent treatment.

Another not-great yet common fighting style is freezing your partner outa.k.a.

giving them the silent treatment.

One partner may also give the cold shoulder to covertly let the other know theyre not pleased with them.

For the person on the receiving end of the chilliness, it can feel like punishment, Brateman adds.

Its code for, Im not even going to waste my time talking to you, she says.

If either of you feeltoo angryor overwhelmed to talk, thats fine.

Just take a break and let the other person know that what you need right now is space.

Ask if you might reconvene in 20 minutes or, if need be, a couple of hours.

You shareeverythought that pops into your head.

And by the way, you feel like you never have an equal say in these kinds of decisions.

You have a better chance ofhearing each otherif you keep it simple, Harrison says.

I know it was a lot, or agree to zero in on one problem at a time.

Youre a bit of a wise-ass.

I think we can all agree that itfeelsgood to be rightbut most people dont enjoy being around know-it-alls.

and you cant help yourself from righting their wrong: No, it was only $450.

(Plus, you might come off as entitledand who finds that attractive?)

(You guessed it: Its not.)

You lash outbig time.

For example, say youre in a row about moving into a bigger place.

These types of insults, over time, can destroy trust and relationship satisfaction.

instead of getting swept up in the fury and attacking your partner like you usually do.

If you make a run at bicker better but things stay volatile, consider seeing acouples therapist.

Youre gonna fightmight as well get good at it.