However, codependency can show up in everyday, seemingly healthy relationships tooits just a bit harder to spot.
Maybe it starts with something as innocent as wanting to spend every waking moment together.
Or blowing off plans with your friends because your SO wants to hang.
Marie Bertrand/Getty Images
But that jot down of independence often fades away in codependent relationships.
Thats why we tapped experts to share the most common yet subtle red flags to watch out for.
You really struggle to be alone.
Or you cant seem to enjoy group hangouts unless your SO tags along.
or overtly (Oh, so youre ditching me???).
Theres so much that makes you, you: your career, friendships, goals, and dreams.
You feel responsible fortheirhappiness.
Codependency is all about emotional reliance, where one person becomes the center of your emotional universeboth the highsandlows.
That explains why, when theyre happy, you may feel secure.
In more extreme cases, Dr. Romanoff warns that codependency can manifest incontrolling behaviors.
On the flip side, your SO might makeyouresponsible for their emotional well-being.
In healthy relationships, both people are supportive equalsnot caretakers orprojects needing to be fixed.
You feel insecure or anxious when they dont validate you enough.
Lets say your partner doesnt respond to your Miss you so much text right away.
Immediately, you spiral,overthinking everything(Are they ignoring me?
What if I scared them away?
)even though just last night, everything was fine.
Or you just got promoted and have been crushing it at work.
Still, you dont feel accomplished unless they give you that good job.
Because honestly, your confidence shouldnt hinge on another persons delayed text or a sudden dip in enthusiasm.
Youre afraid to set boundaries.
You need their opinion before making the smallest decisions.
What outfit should I wear?
Which restaurant should I order takeout from?
But whats more concerning, Dr. Romanoff says, is changing your choices just to match their preferences.
Deep down, you may absolutely love that bright-colored, fuzzy sweater.
But the second your SO thinks its meh, you decide to stash that beloved winter staple forever.
Or you cant make weekend plans with friends without checking your partners schedule first.
Dr. Dancel also suggests easing into independence in small, manageable ways.
Maintaining a separate life thats just yours is a challenging and often long-term endeavor, Dr. Romanoff says.
Still, its worth remembering that this isnt about pulling away or loving each other any less.
Related:
Get more of SELFs practical relationship advice delivered right to your inboxfor free.
