The following Tuesday, my husband took my father home.
On Thursday, I sat down for dinner with my girlfriend from out of town.
As I put the fork in my mouth to enjoy my first bite of food, the phone rang.
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It was my mother.
Ill never forget the panicked voice on the other end that cried out, Dixie!
I think something is wrong with your dad.
I just came home and met him in the chair, and hes cold.
A feeling of nausea washed over me, and I sprang into action telling my mom to dial 911.
Exactly seven days after Thanksgiving day, my father passed away.
The days that followed were tumultuous, painful, numbing, and sad.
For the first time there was no Dad around for Christmas and New Years.
How was I going to deal with this unbearable pain again?
And then the unthinkable happened.
Less than 24 hours later, I received the text that she was dead.
Nathalies death brought mygriefback in full focus.
Like with Dad, I was shocked.
I felt depressed and wanted to crawl into my bed and not get out for a long time.
Nonetheless, I got up.
I had to remind myself that Im alive.
Im living, and living includes happiness, pain, and sorrow.
Grief is a process, and it always helps to have a toolkit.
Here are five things Ive learned to do to cope with my grief as the holiday season approaches.
Taking time for myself has empowered me on this grief journey.
For example, in my moments of grief I do not feel hungry.
When you lose a loved one, sadness is inevitable.
It can also come with lethargy and feelings ofdepression.
To counteract those feelings, I turn toexercise(Zumba) and restorative movements like yoga and qigong.
These were all routines I practiced on a regular basis prior to my dads death.
Its made accepting reality so much easier.
Its helped me diminish my fears and bolster my hopefulness for the future.
I also reached out to a therapist.
However, for others that may not be the case.
Being around family and holiday traditions can trigger unwanted and painful memories.
As a result, some would rather be alone.
One sister pulled out, and shes OK, and were OK. Shes feeling her feelings.
Honor your individual feelings.
Its OK if youre not ready for what others might be ready to do.
Proceed at your own pace and be sure to allow yourself to process your feelings.
We talked about Dad all the time for about a month or so after he passed.
I could feel the tension in our immediate family gatherings.
What I didnt realize is that they were thinking the very same thing I was.
Ive since learned that its OK to talk about your deceased loved one whenever you feel the need.
I now freely share memories and stories.
Its a part of the healing process.
I dont hold back.
We dont hold back.
Like most people, my holidays were filled with rituals of celebration.
Life after loss requires lots of adjustments, especially during the holidays and celebratory days like birthdays.
That adjustment takes time, which in turn requires a certain degree of patience.
Ive learned not to beat myself up if they are seemingly doing well and moving faster than I am.
Whats important is that Im practicing healthy habits so I can move forward in a positive way.
This one is a biggie.
Our family had to deal with Christmas three weeks after Dad wasburied.
Needless to say, I was extremely concerned about family expectations for the holiday.
The fact is, I wasnt ready to fulfill any expectations and follow any rituals and routines.
So, we honored our feelings and gave ourselves permission to switch and pivot.
Its going to be a toned down and reflective time.
Now, is that to say next year and the following years will be the same?
Its simply what I truly want this year, and Ive made it crystal clear.
