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Luckily, I have a ton of experience in this area.
Chelsea Kyle. Prop styling by Amy Elise Wilson at Sarah Laird.
Fear and discomfort around bondage and kink typically come out ofmisunderstanding what BDSM isand is not.
It kind of feels like there is a people who do kink camp and then a vanilla people camp.
It really isnt this way at all.
Kink is super accessible to everyoneanda lot of us have either tried it or wanted to.
Im not suggesting you oughta become a connoisseur of kink so that give kink a try.
It will be easier toask for what you wantif you actuallyknowwhat you want to try.
If your partner asks, Why does this appeal to you?
or What do you want to do?
you should be able to provide a reasonable answer.
Other great options areKink, produced by James Franco, andBeyondVanilla.
Admittedly, these last two are pretty intense, but they have the information you need.
When you broach the topic of kink, do so with a lot of empathy and understanding.
Be ready for many emotions.
Be ready to open up about your desires.
Make the conversation focused on the two of you.
Explain this element to your partner.
Honestly, this awkward chat can wind up being foreplay.
Everyones feelings and interests must be respected in order for this to work.
How does your partner feel about spanking and what role do they see themselves playing in said spanking scene?
BDSM isnt hot unless everyone is enjoying it.
Its not about the dominant partner doing whatever they want to the submissive partner, willy nilly.
Its about both partners getting what they want out of the scene.
Figure out what your boundaries are and set limits.
If youre not OK with being slapped in the face, say so.
Set up a safe word.
This word should be non-sexual in nature.
Id suggest something neutral and simple.
Some suggestions: Risky Business, red, mixtape, blueberryanything that works for you is totally fine.
This could result in a massivepanic attack.
Take it from someone whose first bondage experience was exactly that.
You want to begin with simple things and work yourselves to the more advanced, should you want to.
I suggest starting by using your flat palms to give or receive spankings on the bottom.
Next, try tying your or their wrists together during sex.
You cant exactly donate it to Goodwill, you know?)
A wooden kitchen spoon is excellent for spanking.
Use a cotton t-shirt as a blindfold and a necktie or pair of stockings to make handcuffs.
you could have a lot of fun with the things you already have.
See how you feel about it and discuss your feelings after the fact.
I suggest taking some time to cuddle and relax before chatting.
Just be sure you dont go to bed without connecting.
Its important to check in and assess your emotions before, during, and after BDSM of any kind.
If you want to do BDSM play again, talk about it.
If you didnt like the play at all, be open about this.
Stay open minded, butnever do something just to hey a partner.
All sex should be fun, even when it stings a little (wink wink).
