Postpartum depressionand anxiety feel a lot like being in a pitch-black tunnel.
All you see is dark, dark, dark that goes on foreverits as if youll never escape.
That same roller coaster can also lead to PPD’s sister condition, postpartumanxiety.
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Its marked by feelings of constant worry to the point that it interferes with daily life.
The feelings can even morph into physical symptoms like dizziness, nausea, and hot flashes.
Despite all this, both conditions are highly treatable.
We asked five mothers to share their experiences with postpartumdepressionand anxiety.
At that point, I had really begun to lose my mind.
Right after his first birthday, I cried around the clock.
At some point, the depression became more serious and resembled psychosis.
My thoughts were persistently negative, and werent rooted in reality.
In my mind, the world existed in very dark blue colors.
Thats when I stopped nursing and started taking antidepressants, which made a big difference.
But I had to go off the medication to get pregnant with my next child.
I braced myself and tried desperately to prevent my depression from returning.
This time, I was able to catch things sooner.
I stopped nursing when my second child was six months old and went back on antidepressants.
Within a few weeks, my dark, sad glasses were removed.
With cognitive therapy, I learned how to flip my negative thoughts into ones that were more positive.
Both of my PPD episodes had profoundly negative effects on my life and my familys.
But today, Im happy to say that Im essentially ‘free’ of depression.
And Im so grateful to all of the people who helped me through it.
At first it was constant anxiety, worry, and a state of despair and hopelessness.
I was crying all the time, but I didnt know why.
But none of it worked.
It got to the point where Id start having obsessive suicidal thoughts.
I never acted on those thoughts, but I felt insane.
That was the day I took myself to the ER.
My ER visit started me on the journey of getting the help I needed.
I stopped having suicidal thoughts, but the anxiety, worry, and down feelings never quite went away.
So this January, I started taking additional steps to help myself feel better.
I readUnstuckby James Gordon, M.D., which had some really helpful exercises.
I started taking martial arts and singing lessons, got more massages, and went on more hikes.
I also started working with a nutritionist who specialized in postpartum hormonal issues.
After eight weeks, I started to notice a big difference.
I finally feel like I woke up from my sleepy haze.
Now, Im actually happy.
When I heard it raining outside, Id envision a tornado coming.
I was totally convinced that every person walking down the street was out to attack my baby and me.
The feeling became so debilitating that I began sitting out on activities that I once leaned in on.
The chemical changes can cause an extreme, abrupt emotional response.
It made me want to quit nursing altogether, but I held on.
In both cases, acceptance was a huge.
Researching and learning more about the conditions was important too.
My husband and I stopped watching the news or shows that talked about tragedies.
I also allowed myself to be more vulnerable with others.
Im now eight months postpartum with my second child.
I still suffer from D-MER, and I brace for negative feelings every time I breastfeed.
So I thought I was fine.
Things changed after I had my third child.
I was severely agitated and cried a lot.
Hearing their stories was like a lightbulb going off in my head.
I sought out a counselor and was officially diagnosed with PPD.
Joining HOPE was the start of my recovery.
I had no idea anxiety and agitation could be a part of it.
And I didnt know it could be different after every baby.
My counselor recommended antidepressants.
I was against medication at first, but after a while, I realized I needed it.
Ive been taking an antidepressant on and off for two years now.
It helps, but Ive yet to feel fully like myself without it.
We discussed the option of taking anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications.
But what ultimately ended up helping me was making sure that I had things to do each day.
I found group activities and scheduled play dates, classes, and lunches.
Id take my son to a new mom group, head to the library, and take music classes.
It took some time to open up, but once I did, it was such a relief.
Now my son is 3.
I have the normal mommy guilt and sadness about missing time with him when Im working.
As he grew, I realized I wanted to help other moms.
I started Babies at the Barre, where new moms can exercise together.
I teach classes there, and I always include a talking component.
We start the class by talking about our week, and the struggles or joys we dealt with.
Tori Levine, 31, Harrisburg, PA
Do you think that you might have postpartum depression or anxiety?
Talk to your doctor about your symptoms, or find support and resources atpostpartumprogress.org.
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