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Videos hashtagged toxic parents have received more than900 millionviews on TikTok; toxic family,1.7 billion.
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Its not as simple as I never want talk to my mom again.
But many of us arent trying anythingwe just want the other person to change.
Do I feel unsafe?
Do you feel mentally, emotionally, and physically safe around this family member?
Has your relationship been marked by signs of abuse?
Physical violence is certainly grounds for cutting off contact if you choose to and can safely do so.
As Tawwab writes inDrama Free, healthy boundaries give you peace even when the other person hasnt changed.
Is their behavior toxic or merely annoying?
As Tawwab puts it, Is this situation persistently harmful, or is it just annoying?
Have I had a direct conversation with them about the problem(s)?
But it can also feed into family dynamics that leave you feeling suffocated andresentful.
Maybe you have a sibling who seems to take pleasure in sharing childhood stories that embarrass you.
Or a momwho brings up your weightif you evenlookat a birthday cake.
Just remember that your end of the conversation is the only thing you’re free to control here.
As Tawwab often reiterates inDrama Free,no one possesses the power to change somebody who refuses to try.
Have I adjusted my expectations?
In reality, many people dont nurture others or themselves well.
That has little to do with us, and everything to do with them.
Have I tried to give myself space in other ways?
Youve asserted a boundary to protect your own mental health, Tawwab says.
There are so many ways to create space without ending a relationship, Tawwab says.
A relationship could be, We talk four times a year.
Sometimes we think that just because it’s a family relationship, it has to be close.
We just have to learn what our personal capacity is.
More incremental ways to step back include:
Am I truly ready to end the relationship?
Going no contact is an intensely personal decision.
Has she seen family members repair a relationship after a period of no contact?
Yesbut its only successful when both family members have done a significant amount of internal work.
(Here are some tips for finding anaffordable therapist, as well as aculturally competentone.)
My idea of whats harmful and whats offensive may be different than yours, she says.
I cant tell you exactly how to manage this situation.
You have to do what feels best for you.
