I told her wed throw a big party.
But as much as I hoped it would happen, I never fulfilled my word.
My grandmother died of COVID-19 in January.
Srdjanns74/Getty Images
I couldnt talk to her at all.
Talking openly aboutgriefcan be vulnerable, but its no secret that death and loss are wildly disruptive.
Loss has become an unwelcome companion for so many, and with that comes a deep need for healing.
Grief is a physical and emotional experience.
If youre wrestling with grief, youve probably noticed your emotions are all over the map.
You may experienceinsomnia, high blood pressure, or heartburn.
Lamothe says her losses did a number on her body.
COVID-19 grief and loss can be particularly challenging.
During the acute phase, you feel all of the thorny emotions we mentioned above.
As time passes, however, you figure out how grief fits into your life.
Katherine Shear, M.D., director of the Center for Complicated Grief,previously told SELF.
Sometimes, however, acute grief lingers.
For prolonged grievers, the shock and shattering emotional pain doesnt recede, Dr. Skritskaya explains.
Even after time passes, the loss still feels raw.
Upsetting emotions like anger, guilt, and regret also continue to feel overwhelming.
You tend to feel stuck in time, and it affects your day-to-day life, Dr. Skritskaya explains.
Even if you manage to get out of bed and go to work, you feel suspended in suffering.
No one knows exactly why some people develop prolonged grief while others dont.
Is your pandemic grief automatically prolonged grief disorder?
There are things it’s possible for you to do to support yourself as you grieve.
When a larger-than-life wound opens up, your hair-trigger reaction might be to turn off the pain.
As comforting as these behaviors can be, tuning out your emotions only makes them roar.
Your feelings are likely waiting for you to finish your Netflix session before emerging again.
Its not irrational if youre feeling grief in light of these events.
So naming your feelings is one way to manage pain.
These can range from things like crying to going for a walk.
Ultimately, naming your feelings can help you think through ways to soothe yourself.
While each persons experience is unique, threads of similarity exist.
For starters, Dr. Marks says we cant mourn alone.
For many grievers, this is one step toward closure.
We have a time and place to share answers to questions like, Who was this person to you?
and What will you miss about them?
Instead of getting weighed down by regret, Dr. Yalom recommends turning grief into action.
When your self-critical narrative keeps spinning, try flipping the script by extending yourself compassion.
Dr. Neffalso suggestsasking yourself: What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?
Grief is a roller-coaster, and some days are more challenging than others.
Regardless of how much time has passed, take a look at the impact grief has on your well-being.
Overwhelming grief (even when its not complicated grief) can make it harder to function day-to-day.
It can provide a set place and time to express your emotions and talk about your loss.
Physicians and hospital social workers can also provide referrals for grief support groups and counselors.
Grief doesnt exist on a stopwatch, Dr. Roth explains.
Knowing theres no predictable path through grief permits us to weather the process.
Part of this process is learning to live with the loss.
While grief never vanishes, the pain doesnt always feel so sharp, and moments of joy return.
Both joy and sadness can coexist; Im learning that its all okay.
