For many families,food is the centerpiece of get-togethers.
Cooking and eating are activities that bring people together to enjoy a shared experience.
But in some cases, the experience can be triggeringespecially if you have a complex relationship with food.
Chris Sorensen/Adobe Stock
One reason is because, for many families, food isnt just food.
This can make for a messy situation when someone wants to break the mold.
It can become very personal for some families.
Setting boundaries allows you to be open and honest about your needs.
Heres how experts recommend setting boundaries around food that both you and your family members can feel good about.
Do the internal work first.
Giving yourself this permission can be tricky.
A lot of people don’t believe they have a right to set boundaries with family, Butler-Ozore says.
you could respect your family and know that your needs are important at the same time, Butler-Ozore says.
Plan out the conversationand practice it.
First, decide who youre going to speak with.
Maybe its the person who is saying or doing things that rub against the boundary you want to set.
Then think abouthow youre going to say it.
It may also depend on whom specifically youre speaking to.
Once you figure out the language youre going to use, write it down.
Then say it out loud to yourself while looking in a mirror, Locklear suggests.
Things sound different in our heads than when we say them for the first time, she says.
Think about how you could put your request into your own words so that it feels right.
And then get comfortable saying it out loud.
Bring it up at a neutral time.
A phone call ahead of time can also help set a shared expectation, Locklear says.
It can help people learn how to ask for something that they want from others, she says.
Accept what you’ve got the option to control and what you cant.
Setting boundaries isnt always going to go perfectly.
Especially when theyre related to messy things like family and food.
They might be disappointed, and its okay for people to get disappointed.
Thats not your work to do, thats theirs.
It all comes back to honoring your needs andyour energy.
Decide when its time to move on.
This punch in of work can be really difficult, Kelly says.
Even after approaching this the best way possible, there still might be some people who dont get it.
Its okay to reinforce your boundaries more firmly if theyre not understanding, Kelly says.
Maybe that means not going to family events where food will be present.
It could also mean getting creative about how you do connect.
Suggest a different activity that doesnt center on a meal, like afamily game night.
Setting boundaries is an important exercise in patience.
