All products featured on Self are independently selected by our editors.
However, we may receive compensation from retailers and/or from purchases of products through these links.
Sure, you might know your love languagemaybe its words of affirmation or acts of service.
Richard Drury/Getty Images
But what aboutfight languagesfor our conflict styles?
Read on to see which one(s) resonate with you most.
You reflect before reacting.
Agree totake breaksand define roughly how long itll be, Dr. Ni suggests.
The point is, being upfront lets the other person know youre not ignoring them.
That way, theyre more likely to feel reassured and give you the space you better meaningfully reconnect.
You avoid any kind of tension.
People with this fighting style will do whatever it takes to avoid confrontation.
You may even deflect with a joke to lighten the mood.
Of course, learning to express yourself (even if it makes someone else uncomfortable) can be anxiety-inducing.
But using I statements is an expert-approved tactic for communicating honestlywithoutplacing blame or hurting feelings.
You focus on keeping the other person happy.
Lets say you bring up your partners flirting, and they get extra defensive.
Basically, youre so focused on prioritizing somebody else (because you care so much!)
that youre unable to find a resolution that benefits both of you, not just them.
If this is you:Again, disagreeing with someone doesnt mean theyll suddenly hate you.
Another thing to think about, he adds, iswhatyoure concedingand more importantly, why.
You suppress…until you explode.
Deep down, however, a suppressor will find their emotions quietly building.
Then, all of a sudden, they cant handle it anymore and just rip.
You confront others pretty aggressively.
)but maybe your delivery isnt always the most constructive or kind.
You argue to win.
For you, a disagreement is like a debate or competition.
It should be a cooperative effort so youre both satisfied.
And stay open to hearing their side tooits about finding common ground, not securing a victory.
You mediate to find a middle ground.
Your immediate reaction to any sort of tension is, Okay, whats the solution?
That said, there are some potential pitfalls to consider.
In certain situations, this approach can feel a little transactional, he points out.
And if youre not sure?
Theres no harm in asking directly.
Related:
Get more of SELF’s great service journalism delivered right to your inbox.
