How do you explain mortality with age-appropriate language tailored to their personality?
Conversations about mortality and sickness have taken a greater resonance since the spread of thenovel coronavirus.
Heres what they had to say.
D3sign/Getty Images
Its always this balance of knowing what will resonate without doing harm.
Sometimes his anxiety produces a spiral, but he does really well if you give him facts.
So I tried to give him as many clear facts as I could.
My coparent is working in theemergency roomand is exposed to the virus on a daily basis.
I dont think my son fully gets that.
He knows that she works in the hospital and that shes taking precautions when she comes home.
That would not be good for hisanxiety.
As a parent, I find its always this balance of knowing what will resonate without doing harm.
We often dont give kids credit for what they can actually handle.
Its our desire to shield them from certain things.
I always found a way to spin itto make it positive.
The dynamic of losing someone suddenly changes the way everybody thinks about everything.
So that is the difference, at least with my family.
My kids worry more.
Im not ill; neither was their dad.
One day he didnt come home.
And they think of that.
Honesty has been the very best approach.
It allowed me to be able to talk about our love.
In those conversations I always found a way to spin itto make it positive.
They have a right to cry.
One of my daughters was particularly upset after a family death.
She pulled me to the side and said, Daddy, Im worried.
I dont want you and mommy to die.
My goal with my children is to be honest, including honest about myself and our shortcomings.
I want them to know that we have a fear of death, as well.
Were trying to make things as easy as they can be for them.
But death is real and will come for us one day.
We dont want them to have an unrealistic sense of comfort about it.
We want them to be prepared.
When they cry, I tell themeven with tears in my own eyesthat its okay tofeel sad.
Its very important they understand theres no shame in it.
Its not something they should hide from the world.
They have a right to cry.Marc J.
*, 36, dad of twin girls, aged 7
4.
I feel torn between fear and being inspired by the opportunity.
Henry was 6 months old when my mom passed, so death has been an ongoing conversation.
Hes always been very direct.
But as a parent, even with my training ingriefcounseling, it still can be unsettling.
I tried to explain my moms death without making it too scary for him.
But he was curious about why she died and why the doctors couldnt help her.
He had questions that, as an adult, I was wrestling with too.
I dont know if Im strong enough to manage some of these conversations.
But I dont want to shut them down.
I welcome the curiosity.
Ive had no choice but to use the words *dead ordyingbecause Sabella has come to me with those.
That has made it very difficult to sugarcoat it.
Growing up, it was always, That person passed away.
Ive talked to her about people in our lives who are dead and what that means to us.
Ive said, Even though theyre not with us anymore, theyre always with us.
They watch us from the sky.
And when I come back, I think Ill come back stronger.
So you dont ever really die.
She hits me with a different kind of logic, and Im thankful for that.
My husband and I grew up with the philosophy that children are to be seen, not heard.
Its really been a gradual buildup.
My daughters only exposure to death has been my grandfather.
In her head, you get really old, you go to the hospital, and you die.
That is her explanation of it.
She started catching conversations from other people about the coronavirus.
And she asked, Well, will we go outside and die?
Shes a very matter-of-fact kid.
I told her, No.
Some people wear gloves andmasks.
That keeps you from getting other people sick.
Shes trying to connect these dots but not grasping it yet.
Hes aware of what I teach him about God.
I said, Yeah, but you have a long, long time.
And one day, hopefully not soon, you stop living.
Thats where my faith would come in.
He prays, and hes aware of what I teach him about God.
Youre spirit.Asia S., 43, dad of one boy, aged 6
Quotes have been edited for clarity.
Name has been changed upon request.
