But your friend has suffered a grave loss either way.
Not acknowledging this can make your friend feel shunned andperpetuate stigmaaround suicide.
Treat [your friend] as you would treat anybody you care about who is grieving and in pain.
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So, offer your condolences.
Attend the funeral if you’re able to.
Send flowers and a handwritten note.
Explicitly mentioning the person who died is a subtle but effective way to convey your support.
Many myths about suicide persist, like that its a selfish act that needs to be hidden.
Many survivors of suicide loss have internalized this stigma.
They may be reluctant to speak about the experience for fear of being judged or making someone uncomfortable.
People who lost someone to suicide are often looking for cues from the people around them, Jordan explains.
Instead of assuming your friend knows they can talk to you, make that explicitly clear.
Samantha Seigler, 29, lost her younger brother to suicide seven years ago.
or, Do you want to tell me how youre feeling?
You don’t always have time to grieve right away, Samantha says.
For me, it didnt hit for a while.
Let them know you are ready to listen if and when they want to share, Wolfelt says.
And you’re free to always ask again later or reiterate your availability.
Stay steady in your efforts, Wolfelt says.
Dont underestimate the power of simple favors.
Taking something off their to-do list can be invaluable, McGann says.
Sometimes, when words are inadequate, actions can be a symbol of nurturing and love, Wolfelt says.
Not having to worry about things like that was such a big sense of relief, she says.
They are thinking of their loved one all the time, McGann explains.
It is most likely a relief to get an invitation to open up.
This was Samanthas experience.
One of the best things was people telling me stories about my brother, she says.
I didn’t want people to remember him by his death or have that define him.
It was more about what happened when he was alive.
Say something like, “I was thinking about a memory of [their loved ones name].
Can I share it with you?”
Encourage your friend to mourn at their own pace.
Even when she wasnt up to it, she appreciated knowing that others were still thinking of her.
If youve never lost somebody to suicide, you might feel totally unequipped to relate to your friends loss.
The truth is, youre right, and thats perfectly OK to admit.
Never say, I know just how you feel, because you dont, Wolfelt says.
Instead, acknowledge that you cant claim to know what they are going through.
This level of honesty and humility is a powerful way to express compassion, Wolfelt explains.
Do you want to share how youre feeling?
If youhavelost someone tosuicide, its OK to mention that, McGann says.
If your friend wants to hear more, theyll ask.
Still, dont claim to know exactly how they feel.
But they didnt make her feel better, only misunderstood.
That was just not something I wanted to hear, she says.
Let them take the lead in going there, though.
Hopefully, these suggestions offer a place to start when it comes to supporting your friend.
Your friend is hurting, and your role is not to change that.
Its to lean into that, he explains.
