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I remember the first time I had to wrap my mind around it.
MariaDubova / Getty Images
Fast-forward to my early 20s, when my father unexpectedly died.
But I also heard my share of standard condolences like, Hes in a better place."
And while I knew that everyone meant well, those words never actually made me feel any better.
Unfortunately, they don’t.
Everyone goes through it at one time or another, he says.
I wrote out some babbling card and then never sent it because I thought it was too much.
Most of us have been in Diana’s position before.
It puts them in the position of having toask for help, which most people struggle with.
Jennifer says, My recommendation is not to ask or wait to be asked, but just DO.
Stay out of it.
They’ll share the details if they feel comfortable doing so.
If you’re really that curious, look it up online, or ask someone else who might know.
For a grieving widow, this was too much honesty to absorb at afuneral.
Show that you’ll be there for the person that day and for years down the road.
But no qualifying statement can take away the pain of losing someone you love.
And if no words feel right, consider asking if he or she would like ahug.
Most likely, the person whos grieving wants that person with them, not in the better place.
Then listen deeply and without judgment.
“Unless you have gone through this yourself, never presume to understand, he says.
Even the death of a pet can be as deep as any other loss, he says.
If you haven’t, just don’t go there.
But even the smallest and most sincere gestures are appreciated.
Zucker says that even Facebook condolences are OK (just double-check the familys made an announcement first).
Whatever we can do to express condolences, the better.
However, there is nothing like showing up at the funeral or memorial service, whenever possible.
My friend Olivia also expressed great appreciation for a neighbor who mowed her lawnwithout notificationafter her brother died.
