Lets start by stating the obvious: Parenting is hard, full stop.
Of course there are deep rivers of satisfaction and love.
But the24/7 demandsof parenting present added challenges for people on the more-introverted end of the personality spectrum.
Vincent Besnault via Getty Images
There is mental exhaustion that people dont see.
When your kids are little, they literally need you to survive.
Mom is food, and mom is the jungle gym.
At times, its a lot on your mental docket.
So how can introverts manage the intense peopling of parenthood?
First, lets define introvert in an accurate, non-insulting way.
Introversion is dogged by some pretty persistent misinformation.
Being more introverted doesnt mean youre a neurotic, soft-spoken wallflower.
It doesnt mean you behave like a recluse or even that you shun the spotlight.
TheAmerican Psychology Associationadds that introverts may be more withdrawn, reserved, quiet, and deliberate.
Introversion is, at least in part, hereditary.Researchershave identified a number of genes associated with introverted personality types.
Now for some expert guidance on how to maintain your balance as an introverted parent.
Parenting lasts a lifetimeso its important to prepare yourself, protect yourself, andpace yourself.
(An Introverts Guide to Surviving Parenthood),tells SELF.
I think its helpful for introverted parents to recognize what some of their overstimulation triggers are.
Dealing with the decibels isnt the only pain point for introverts.
Habits are behaviors that have become automatic.
First, troubleshoot to identify the barriers.
When my child was in day care, I memorized her schedule, Williams says.
I kept that schedule on the weekends, including her nap time.
That was quiet time for me.
So that may be my biggest tip for introverted parents: Keep a consistent schedule.
Finding pockets of quiet throughout the day may mean waking up early or staying up late.
It may also mean implementing alone times throughout the day.
Now that they are older, we trade off putting them to bed at night.
Will there be days when your plans go awry?
So aim for most days.
Even taking thirty minutes to read or stare at the wall may recharge your personal battery,researchshows.
When people experience silence, their blood pressure, heart rate, and stress hormones decrease.
They become more relaxed and, often, their mood improves.
you’re free to boost those benefits by enjoying your quiet time in anatural outdoor setting.
Introversion is not a deficit of extroversion.
One of those advantages,researcherssay, is good listening skills that promote a better understanding of others.
Introverts are excellent listeners, Williams notes.
I dont always want to lead a conversation.
Im able to be very observant, and I know how to focus on that non-verbal body language.
Introverts learn the people we care about.
Another introvert superpower is problem-solving.
Instudies, people who identified as introverted were more attentive and reflective during a problem-solving process.
They were less likely to leave a thorny problem unsolved, researchers said.
Youre also a great model of finding satisfaction in solitude.
Im very big on teaching my daughter independence, Williams says.
I sometimes set a timer and say, Its your turn to play by yourself.
Technologies like baby cams help me to verify she is safeand I can be a little more hands-off.
Lots of introverted parents find ways to support their childs activities and social development without overtaxing themselves.
The parent reading in the car during soccer practice instead of chatting on the sidelines may be another.
You might use the opportunity to do some solo shopping if that feels appropriate to you.
It isnt easy to find the balance Vick says, but then, easy and parenting dont always align.
Its all about making a conscious effort to set boundaries for yourself and your kids.
Myth: Introverted people avoid all social contact.
Fact: Introverted people thrive when theyre selective about the key in of social interactions they have.
Some people feel less drained by social situations when theyre engaged in an activity they enjoy.
That may be because sharing conversation in an area of personal passion can be easier than small talk.
Take Williamss podcast, for example.
Many episodes feature interviews with special guests.
Its surprisingly energizing, she says.
Sometimes it feels like sharing a personal diary or having a conversation with my closest friends.
The scale of the interaction also matters.
Smaller group interactions may feel more manageable.
In Williamss house, the kitchen is the setting for many of the most fulfilling encounters.
Our thing is cooking, she says.
We get that one-on-one time that introverts are amazing at.
We master quality over quantity.
Family structures are increasingly diverse.
And some folks parent almost entirely on their own.
That may mean driving two cars to an all-day BBQ so that the introverted parent can leave earlier.
Guilt is a recurrent problem for parents of all types.
I feel guilty if I take too long a break, she explains.
In her podcast, Williams speaks about the motherhood comparison trap as another source of anxiety and guilt.
Its worsened by compulsive comparison on social media sites.
We have got to let go of the pressure.
Its just not worth it.
We are looking at one small aspect of another moms life, and it makes us unhappy.
I wish we could stop.
And that sense of pressure is amplified for people of color and marginalized communities.
Introversion among Black women is a little different, she notes.
Thats an added layer of stress.
You bring all of who you are to the job of parenting, including your personality traits.
Is it harder to parent when youre an introvert?
Some days, the answer is definitely yes.
