Two-thirds ofthose caregiversare women.
“I became a parent to my parents.”
No, not managingmicromanaging, like a paranoid parent.
I became a parent to my parents.
The caregiver can become sicker than the patient because she neglects taking care of herself.
My mother was diagnosed with stage 3liver cancerin 2005.
They told her she only had six months to live, so she attacked treatment aggressively.
She was my superhero.
After graduating college, I told her I was putting off law school, but she wasnt having it.
She breathed life into my dreams and encouraged me to go into the world and live my life.
I had professors and family tell me to quit, but I knew thats not what she wanted.
Still, I lived in constant fear that something would happen if I weren’t around.
My dad had severe bipolar disorder.
Back then, it was not as well known as it is today.
He was also diabetic and had heart disease, leading to three or fourheart attacks.
These are things that you do, dad; it’s not that you want to.
I just want you to understand, I explained.
He was very receptive.
That was the last time I saw him alive.
Mom had a myriad of conditions: Heart attacks, congestive heart failure, strokes, and kidney failure.
My sister is a single parent, and she couldnt do it all.
She asked me for help.
I became the spokesperson for my mom and my siblings.
I was fortunate to have understanding employers who let me run to the hospital at a moments notice.
Mom passed away in the nursing home shortly after she got there.
To this day, I wonder if I did everything right.
Was there anything else I could have done?
We had stayed in touch mostly through letters.
I was only 24 years old at the time, and I had no idea what I was doing.
He had so many different medications, difficulty breathing, and continuous pain.
I wouldn’t trade those last few days, even though they were the hardest of my life.
One of the hardest things for me was not knowing how long my dads illness would go on for.
I still feel some shame about the times that it got too much, and I lost my cool.
Or when he just wanted me to sit with him, and I was distracted.
I try not to dwell on those moments.
My dad passed away in 2012 when I was 15.
My dad developed heart complications and was pre-diabetic when he died suddenly of a heart attack.
I felt both helpless and guilty when my dad passed away.
He had a doctors appointment the next week to discuss options for improving his condition.
Life, sickness, and death are natural.
you’re free to deter death, but you cant stop it.
My mother lived with us for 26 years, and much of that time she was healthy.
The worst period was the six months preceding her death.
She had end stage Alzheimer’s.
My family was my rock.
We clung to each other for support.
We got snippy at times, and tempers flared.
But we always told ourselves it was worse for Mom.
After her memorial service, we all came down with the flu.
Our bodies rebelled, finally.Make time for yourself, as hard as it may be.
You need that downtime to replenish.
Otherwise, you’re going to burn out very quickly.P.J.
M., 58
*Quotes have been edited for length and clarity
Photo Credit: PeopleImages / Getty Images
