The last few months have been taxing forBlack peoplein myriad ways.
Theres been fatigue resulting in countless naps and late-morning starts.
Theres been sadness thats seen me cry four times in a day.
Marina Esmeraldo
Theres been frustration with white people asking me questions I didnt feel the energy or interest to answer.
I didnt expect it, but the conversations I had in preparing this piece were surprisingly relieving and validating.
Not because everyone was doing so well, but because plenty of them told me they werentjust like me.
Here, they all share the ways theyve felt, dealt, and taken care of themselves.
I have definitely felt a great responsibility.
SELF: How have you been emotionally, mentally, and physically over the last few weeks?
Ashley Holt:Its been really heavy, to be honest with you.
We launched a connection in the middle of [COVID-19andnationwide protests].
SELF: What would you say has been the hardest part of the last few weeks?
These stories have a lot to do with Black peoples humanity….
I would say thats been the biggest challenge.
How can I express myself and still make people proud?
SELF: When it comes to taking care of yourself, what does that look like for you?
Do you feel like youve been taking care of yourself?
I would have to give myself a strong C+ on taking care of myself, to be honest.
I have days where I just cant watch the news, period.
I know a lot of people attempt to do that.
Do I know enough?
So I definitely have to give myself a break from all of the noise.
Thats probably the one thing Im best at.
I could definitely be better, though.
What helps me in the world of self-care is that Im blessed with a really cool husband.
Beverly Whiteis a veteran reporter forNBC Los Angeles.
Shes been with NBC4 for more than 25 years.
White received the Lifetime Achievement Award in 2018 from the National Association of Black Journalists.
Beverly White:Its been like a fire hose of emotions.
Im not going to lie.
Because were in a pandemic, and everythings fraught now.
You know, Zoom only goes so far.
SELF: You started off by saying that its been a fire hose of emotions.
I imagine that those emotions are both when youre on the scene but also when you get home.
How are you dealing with the fire hose of emotions?
Well, I have to keep it out of my coverage.
The last three or four months have shown me what hes made of.
Part of his DNA, his mission in life, is keeping me happy.
For real, for real, he works hard at that.
Hes a wise dude.
I think I chose well, so I thank my lucky stars.
Also, Im cookinghavent done a lot of that in a long time, but Im motivated.
I havent done that since high school, but it feels good.
Ive had some very major panic attacks in the past couple of weeks.
Donovan X. Ramseyis a journalist and author based in Atlanta.
His forthcoming book, When Crack was Kinga history of Americas crack epidemicwill be published next year.
Donovan X. Ramsey:Im feeling both overwhelmed and encouraged.
SELF: Talk to me about how you’re taking care of yourself.
How am I taking care of myself?
New York got to be anxiety-ridden.
The pace and the activity of the city were a lot.
Im very happy that I made the decision.
Im a person who also happens to have generalizedanxiety.
I deal with that on just a personal level.
But I worked through Juneteenth just like every other Black person that I know.
I started saying no to some things.
Dorothy Tuckeris an investigative reporter atCBS 2 Chicago, where shes reported since 1984.
Tucker is beginning her second year as the national president of theNational Association of Black Journalists.
Dorothy Tucker:Its been tiring.
The subject of race just never leaves you as a Black journalist.
The last few weeks have just been magnified.
Its been a pile-on.
They want your advice, they want your context.
They want your perspective journalistically.
Is this what people really feel?
Is this what really goes on?
Is this how we are entitled, we are privileged?
Is this what you mean?
So, tired as you are, you pick up the phone again and you answer the call again.
How are you balancing all of that and taking care of yourself?
I dont know that Im doing a great job.
Now I struggle to find that moment to breathe.
I will say that the last three or four weeks have been really hard.
Youve caught me at a really good time today.
Today was probably the first day that I only had a couple of things to do.
About three or four days ago, I started saying no to some things.
I started delegating more because it was too much.
It was taking up all of my time.
So thats probably the more truthful answer.
Ive made conscious decisions to put my phone down or to not check in on the news.
Jarred Hillis a Washington correspondent forHearst television.
He serves about 30 local stations around the country reporting on Washington, D.C.
He also has a *nearly perfect name.
Jarred Hill:There was this time that I was working from home for about a week or so.
Im someone who, generally speaking, works out like five times a week.
This week, I was just like, Nah.
I realized by Thursday or Friday that I felt terrible.
Can you relate to that, and if so, what does that feel like?
Yeah, that guilt comes in a couple of different ways.
One, you do feel like your job is to always be in it, whatever the it is.
Youve got to always be up-to-date on the latest situation.
And at first I think that I felt guilty about it.
[But] I became much more okay with tuning out.
Im all over the place right now.
Keith Boykinis a political commentator atCNNand an author.
SELF: How are you feeling emotionally right now?
Keith Boykin:Im all over the place right now.
I feel like I dont know what’s happening.
I dont know where things are going.
I dont even know what to say.
I cant make any plans because you dont know whats going to happen.
Im not sure if I have a job this year.
Im not sure whats going on, so everything is up in the air.
Its really very weird and unpredictable.
SELF: How are you taking care of yourself?
How are you handling self-care in a time where things are so stressful with racism and anti-Blackness?
I also give a shot to carve out time for playing the piano, meditation, and reading.
Those things keep me focused.
I have learned to feel things all the way through.
Shar Jossellis a media personality, journalist, and writer.
She focuses on pop culture reporting and writes in the intersections of transgender identities, race, and entertainment.
Shar Jossell:Ive been feeling indifferent.
I think thats the best way for me to put it.
Prior to protests [and this] civil unrest, I was already experiencing my emotions yo-yoing.
They were imbalanced, but everything has certainly been turned up.
So its a feeling of indifference and justallowing myself to feel.
So thats what I mean by indifferent.
Its a form of self-preservation.
SELF: So how are you taking care of yourself?
Ive been doing a lot of journaling, a lot of praying, a lot of crying.
I have to emotionally purge….
I have to feel things all the way through.
I have to get it out.
I also have been trying to stick with my routines of TV, podcasts, and books.
Balance just isnt possible.
So its been a lot.
And were in California, so I can say this:marijuana.
I dont know what balance means, both in this context and outside of this context.
We still exist in this capitalist society.
Im grateful that I have work to keep me distracted.
Mona Holmesis a reporter forEater Los Angelescovering food and culture.
Shes also a contributor toKCRW, one of Southern Californias premierNPRpublic radio stations.
SELF: Talk to me about what the last month has been like for you.
Im grateful that I have work to keep me distracted.
Or like, Hey, Im just downstairs, why dont we just stand apart for 10 minutes?
Just checking on you.
My husband is white.
SELF: How would you say youve been taking care of yourself over this time?
A lot of baths.
Im not usually a bath person.
The recommendation came from a girlfriend who dropped off a bath bomb.
Its not easy because Im 6' and tubs are not built for us.
SELF: Im 6'3"trust me, I get it.
So, yes, thats been helpful.
We can at least stay connected through that, and it also keeps me moving.
The combination of all of those things has been the most helpful.
Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
