AnAlzheimers diseasediagnosis isnt just devastating for the person with the condition.
Alzheimers disease is notorious for tragically stealing a personsmemory.
No one could blame you for feeling awful as this affects your loved one.
Jordan Moss
I wouldnt say, Dont you remember?
Instead, I always answered him as if we hadnt talked about it before, she tells SELF.
I started thinking about how I would deal with a child who asked a lot of questions.
Emmy and her mom, Linda. Courtesy of Emmy G.
You have to have patience because you know they just dont get it.
Kim has noticed that Jeff can have trouble remembering recent conversations.
I found its just best to move on.
Amy and her father, Art. Courtesy of Amy L.
We have to live in our world but also know that they cant come out of their world cognitively.
We need to meet them in theirs.
Compiling something like a memory box may help a person with Alzheimers remember the past.
But reminding them that they once knew somethingor asking if they remember when they clearly dontisnt the same thing.
Emmy G.s mother, Linda, died from complications ofAlzheimersin 2021.
Emmy told SELF that her mother was easily agitated when she entered the advanced stages of Alzheimers disease.
There were a few things that I knew made her happy, like talking about our dog.
Emmy says that when her mom got confused, she tried to distract her with something very simple.
Id point at something in the room or say, Oh, its a sunny day today.
Something easy and positive to keep her comfortable in her surroundings, she says.
Amy had similar tactics with her dad, Art.
My dad said to me once, Amy, I just feel like Im going crazy, she says.
He started to cry.
In those kinds of situations, she often practiced breathing with him to help calm him down.
I would talk about breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.
He was focused on what I was doing, and it would help take his anxiety level down.
She couldnt reach them and wander out of the home when we were asleep at night, he says.
Chris says his family had a scare before deciding to implement the locks.
Luckily a passerby saw her in the yard, stopped, and woke us up.
The one time was enough for us to take extra precautions, he says.
One was helping her grandmother get to the bathroom in her condo.
The door to the bathroom was literally across from the door to her bedroom, Sue says.
But her grandmother kept getting lost while trying to find it.
We tried keeping the light on.
The first night, it worked perfectly.
These worked perfectly during the day.
At night, they made her angry, she says.
We didnt go to school for this.
People with dementia can have difficulty keeping track of details like what time and day it is.
So her family installed two clocks on the wall.
Those types of things really helped, she says.
Chores and self-care can be a challenge for people withAlzheimers.
Cecelia cites taking a shower as an example.
This can make something as seemingly easy as taking a shower really difficult and time-consuming for someone with Alzheimers.
(Or, if youre helping them, it can take longer than you would expect.)
attempt to help with some of these duties so life is easier for your loved one.
The days are long, but their care is so important, Cecelia says.
That often meant she had a bunch of tasks to complete as soon as she got home from work.
On a related note, Amys father often liked to write things down to jog his memory.
It made him feel better, she says.
I started keeping notepads and pens handy so he could write down what was important to him.
Often what he wrote down made no sense, but I wanted to do whatever I could to help.
My mom always did Christmas big, she says.
Jennifer says that her mom ended up anxious, which made Jennifer feel stressed.
It took too long to understand that simple was all she could handle, she says.
During their last Christmas together, Jennifer and her mom celebrated together on December 23.
They had excellent food, beautiful decorations, and happy people surrounding us.
We had a nice lunch, and I had one very simple gift for her.
We had a very nice hour, and then I returned her to her home, Jennifer says.
Jennifer says she didnt feel guilty that her mom wasnt with her family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
Adapting our holiday celebration to what she could handle was the right thing to do.
Being a caregiver can be an all-consuming task, making it hard to think of anything else.
One day, my son said to me, I just want my mom back.
I miss the conversations we used to have.
He was absolutely right.
When Arts physical condition deteriorated, he ended up needing hospitalization.
I couldnt lift him from a bed if I needed to, Amy says.
Its important to allow yourself to not feel like youre giving up when you ask for medical help….
Sometimes its whats best for them.
When youre dealing with such an emotionally fraught situation, you might want to carry the load yourself.
Nearly everyone we talked to offered up this advice.
Cecelia says she only discovered theAlzheimer’s Associationafter her grandmothers death and wishes she had known about it sooner.
We kind of stumbled our way through, and it was hard at times, she says.
Emmy also says she found a lot of help and support through theAlzheimers Foundation of America.
Im just now taking care of myself, she says.
So many caregivers put themselves aside.
Im trying to find balance.
Thats what my mom would have wanted.
