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Im not going to lie to youI love numbing out.
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Or a glass of wine.
These feelings are worse than they were before.
Thats because you gave them all that time and space to do push-ups.
So whats the alternative?
Well, to start, feeling our feelings.
But thats not as simple as it sounds.
There are two parts to feeling a feeling, clinical psychologistRyan Howes, Ph.D., tells SELF.
Developing ways to give time and space to our difficult emotions is especially important right now.
Amid thecoronaviruspandemic, there are alotof feelings going around.
To help, consider these therapist-approved tips for tackling your emotions head-on.
Know what your go-to numbing behaviors are.
Basically, its anything you do intentionally or unconsciously to avoid facing your feelings.
Its often in the form of some sort ofdistraction, but not always.
But there are some sneakier behaviors that you might not realize youre using to numb out your emotions.
Busyness is a big one, says Howes.
Because, listen, its a spectrum.
Well get to how to tell the difference between a helpful and unhelpful distraction later.
Start with identifying your feelings.
We kind of just make a quick judgmental call about whats going on or even brush it off.
For that reason, the next step to working with yournegative feelingsis exploring them.
Start by identifying whats going on in your body, says Howes.
Actually feel the emotion.
Whats going on in your gut?
Whats going on in your chest?
Is there buzzing in your head?
Does your throat feel tight?
Or maybe youdofeel angry, but thats not specific enough to encapsulate itperhapsbetrayedordisgustedwould be better.
Resist judging your feelings.
This is a big one.
So often we jump straight to our feelingsabouta feeling.
You get the point.
Remind yourself that feelings arent factsfeeling something doesnt make it trueand are often contradictory.
Ask, What are these feelings telling me?
Now its time to put your observations to work to help you figure out how to deal.
Important to note: Acting on your observations of a feeling is different than acting on a feeling itself.
If we always acted on our feelings, well, that wouldnt be great.
Maybe thats something to talk about in therapy this week.
Find a way to express the feeling mindfully and safely.
Now were entering some Choose Your Own Adventure territory.
Do it’s crucial that you talk about it with a friend?
Do you gotta write it out in yourjournal?
Do you should probably have a good cry?
The list goes on: Paint something.
Rip up a piece of paper.
Dance around to a cathartic song.
Hell, tryanxiously scrubbing a bathtub(dont judge me).
Whatever helps you feel like youre working through the emotion.
So many people try their hardest not to feel something, says Howes.
They dont realize the relief that comes with not having to suppress it any longer.
Focus on physical sensations instead.
Physical sensations are often useful antidotes to strongemotional distress.
Emotions have a physical basis, says Grych.
Remember its okay to hit snooze on a feeling.
A lot of the time, it has to do with intensity, says Howes.
Be smart and intentional about using distractions.
Sometimes it really is totally fine and healthy.
Who has the bandwidth to engage with and express their emotionsall the time?
Especially in the middle of a literal pandemic when our emotions areconstantly all over the place.
Thats why distractions can be great.
More than that, Bonior says giving yourselfpermissionto enjoy some restorative distraction can go a long way.
So just…enjoy a few hours of TVif you need it.
Practice, practice, practice.
All of this sounds like a lot, I know.
But the thing is, the more you do it, the more automatic it becomes.
Its people who really fight against feeling their feelings that end up having a hard time.
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