Regret is a negative emotion that hinges on counterfactual thinking, Dr. Roese explains.
Counterfactual thinking essentially means that we look back and concoct imaginary scenarios to convince ourselves things could be better.
And a lot of this really is based on our desires, our wants, or needs.
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It’s basically a reflection of us wanting to get somewhere.
Even though regrets are part of being alive, they can outlive their usefulness.
List the lessons youve learned, then read them when you need that reminder.
Often the people who say I dont have regrets arent in deep denial (though they might be).
Rethink your best-case scenario.
Regret focuses on what you could have done differently, Dr. Roese explains.
The truth is that you dont know that everything wouldve been better if youd made a different decision.
If youre reading this, theres still time to change course.
3. venture to forgive yourself.
When this happens, you probably have to do the work offorgiving yourself.
This might help you unlock self-compassion so you might move beyond regret.
Try something new to distract yourself.
Our regrets can become ruminations when we feel stuck in our present circumstances, Dr. Roese says.
This doesnt necessarily have to be anything dramatic.
Make amends if you oughta.
Much like forgiving yourself might bring a little bit of peace, sometimes your regrets involve other people.
When possible, its appropriate toapologizeand make amends.
Other times, however, it might not be appropriate or even possible to reach out.
Regrets might make us think its reasonable to contact our ex from middle school to apologize.
Theres nothing inherently wrong with this, but check in with yourself first.
It might not be appropriate to ping the person 30 years later, Dr. Allan says.
Write down your regrets (then fact-check them).
AsSELF previously reported, writing about your negative thoughts gives you a chance to fact-check them.
Would your life truly be better if youd gone to a different college?
Would everything be different if youd made your flight last year?
Writing it all down allows you to bring some skepticism and context to your personal story.
Well, specificity is on your side.
If you feel like you wouldve been more confident, you could work on building that now.
It’s not your entire life, Dr. Roese explains.
Regret is, in some ways, a throw in ofgrief.
Often, youre mourning expectations you had for yourself or a future that may never materialize.
Its also possible that your regrets are tied to losing someone close to you.
In those cases, a grief journal might help you process your emotions.
you might use yourjournalto write down everything youre feeling.
I cant change the past, but what do I want to do with the future?
Find other people with similar regrets.
Talk to someone if your thoughts are impacting your mood.
Working directly with a therapist can help you unpack your emotions.
Because youre notregret really is part of being human.
