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Youre pretty sure youre falling in loveor are you?
Antonio J. Rodríguez V. via Adobe Stock
After all, plenty of things can look and feel like love.
Lust, for example.
And even if it does seem like 100% genuine Love, that doesnt necessarily mean it is.
You know them well (or at least pretty well).
Meaning that when youre merely infatuated, its a projection because you havent learned much about them yet.
Essentially, youre projecting all the things youhopeare true onto this persona lovely but still largely blank canvas.
You have a sense of their personality: cautious or daring, outgoing or shy, even-keeled or excitable.
it’s possible for you to largely predict their reactions and rely on them to be consistently themselves.
(Whatwastheir third-grade teachers name, anyway?)
The phrase that best describes your feelings isinloverather than justlove.
The research may be old, but its findings stand the test of time, according to Dr. Tashiro.
And if youjusthave physical attraction, thats a booty call, and thats okay too.
3. you’re free to see their quirks and look past them.
Its about the good, the bad, and the ugly, Dr. Fleming says.
When you hold love and fondness and affection for someone who is flawed and human, thats love.
That said, theres a difference between overlooking imperfections and excusing behavior thatsabusive or otherwise toxic.
On that note…
4.
Whats happening between you feels positive, not draining or dramatic.
Looking out for red flags is key.
If it doesnt consistently make you feel good its probably not right, Dr. Fleming says.
But it doesnt necessarily make you feel goodallthe time.
Theres a caveat to that last item, though.
If the situationonlymakes you feel good, then it may not be healthy, either, Dr. Fleming says.
They had a bad day at work?
Youre there with an afternoon coffee.
Their childhood dog just passed?
Youre in tears too.
Its little wonder, sinceresearchshows a strong neurological connection between romantic love and a deep sense of compassion.
7. you’re able to think beyond the present moment.
Infatuation and lust are very present-focused emotions, Dr. Tashiro explains.
They focus your attention narrowly on whatever youre feeling the desire for.
That doesnt tend to lead to future-oriented thinking.
But those who are in love tend to be looking down the road.
Which city is best for their career as well?
How close does their family live to each program?
What might a joint decision on this matter look like?
This love feels real to youand doesnt fit a pattern of false alarms.
Do you pine for people who are unavailable, long-distance, married?
Are you often attracted toavoidant people?
If so, she suggests taking a beat and really considering whether this time is different.
The key, as Dr. Fleming says, is to be curious about your feelings.
Sit with them and see if they change with time or circumstance.
These are all important things to consider before setting your heart on love.
Your feelings are reciprocated.
How can you tell if theyre as into you as you are them?
Dr. Fleming offers this tip: Pay attention to their attention.
Do they seem distracted when you hang out?
If so, it might be time to pull back on those feelings.
If theyre not, then take heart.
Yes, it really, really sucks.
But as anyone whos been there will tell you, romantic rejection really doesget better with time.
And we dont have to know you to understand that you deserve someone whos equally into you.
