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Myboyfriend, John*, and I have been engaged in a weird power struggle lately.
Courtesy of Desire Resorts
I’m simply wired faster, and because of that, I get impatient easily.
Not that it makes it right.
And, no, I’m not proud of it.
Courtesy of Desire Resorts
That’s where our trip toDesire Riviera Maya Resortcame in.
It’s a lot of work being in charge all the time.
John and I are not swingers.
Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo
(Though there’s nothing wrong with swinging.)
Or, at least, to attempt to dive in.
A good flogging is nice.
Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo
Feather tickling always gets me going.
Unable to control myself, I barked out the following orders:
Rule No.
1 ofbondage:There is no giggling.
Courtesy of Eric Pritchard
2 of bondage:No smiling!
Happy-go-lucky John has a great smile, but it’s not right in this scenario.
“Christian Grey doesn’t smile as he spanks.
I need you to put your best fuck-face on, hey,” I said.
3 of bondage:He would be in charge.
He would be the dominant.
He would be Christian Grey.
I would be the submissive.
I would be Anastasia Steele.
Realizing I’d already broken Rule No.
Don’t correct him.
Be more like Ana.
Enjoy taking the backseat for once.
Before we left, I even had a dream that a bartender called me the C-word.
What’s worse, dream-John agreed with himand so did I.
Balance is the key here.
If Ana could do it, I could, too.
It was hard not to.
They included a leather flogger, restraints, and a ball gag so I could shut up for once.
There was also abutt plug, which John instantly vetoed.
I acquiescedone small step toward letting go of control.
(Watching was very hot, by the way!
Might need to explore voyeurism a bit more.)
“Tie me tighter,” I told John.
He is Christian Grey."
I tried to focus on what Amber said and let myself be Anastasia.
John even put the ball gag on me so I couldn’t say another word.
Sure, he was clumsy at bondage at first.
But then he surprised me and ended up getting in a good flogging.
He even figured out how to use thesexswing without me helping him out.
Discussing my struggle with control was one of thoserelationshipconversations I wanted to avoid.
But when I told John, his reaction wasn’t what I expected.
“You think I think you’re a c*nt?
I said, surprised.
Upon further reflection, I think I know what’s going on.
We’re nine months into our relationship and planning on moving in together in a month.
It’s been several years since I lived with anyone.
Naturally, a little bit of anxiety comes with that.
It’s scary, but I know it’s doable.
“I’m glad we’re working this out before I move in,” he said.
“Me, too.”
When we returned home, I found myself starting to take charge again.
This time it was a bottle of cabernet and one of those old-school corkscrew wine openers.
We get a little cork in our cab.
*Names have been changed to protect the kinky.
