In 2010, Tara Langdale-Schmidt, now 31, started feeling a mysteriouspain during sex.
The pain got worse.
Until finally, it was too bad to even attempt sleeping with her boyfriend.
Valerie Fischel
SELF: Tell us about what it was like when the symptoms of vulvodynia first started.
Tara Landgale-Schmidt:It started as a mild pain only during intercourse in the vulva.
Intercourse would trigger the pain and it would still burn after we would finish having sex.
Tara and Jason were married in Las Vegas in 2013.
Nothing helped the pain or made it go away.
SELF: What was going through your mind at the time?
How did you first bring it up to Jason and how did it affect your sex life?
Their wedding at The Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas.
I thought that it might have been some sort of scar tissue.
I told him it hurt to have sex a little and it might be from prior surgeries.
Jason Schmidt:I felt bad she was hurting and never pressured her to have sex.
As time went on, the pain became worse and I didn’t want to hurt her.
If it hurt too much we would stop.
SELF: Did you seek treatment?
TLS:I went to my gynecologist that did some of my surgeries when the pain started.
He thought it could be scar tissue as well.
He told me if sex hurt to drink some wine and take Advil.
That was in the beginning stages before the pain became worse.
I actually asked him if I had something called vulvodynia because I found it on the Internet.
He agreed that is probably was vulvodynia.
He wanted me to try [numbing] creams.
I was given a prescription for Gabepentin cream and Ketamine creams.
These are compounded creams that might help the nerve pain.
I was told to use them twice a day.
Both of these creams cost over $125 each and did not help at all.
Also, I tried lidocaine injections, which only lasted an hour and left me hurting from the needle.
After that he called several doctors and told me none of them had a treatment plan for vulvodynia.
He stated doctors did not know what caused it and he was sorry he couldn’t help me.
After no relief with numbing creams, I decided to go to a pelvic pain specialist.
None of these options appealed to me and I left empty handed.
SELF: Were you able to talk to friends and family about what you were going through?
TLS:I only told my best friends, and they had never heard of anything like this.
I had never heard of it and neither had Jason.
I was very open with my friends about it.
JS:I didn’t tell anyone because I felt it was a private issue.
SELF: Did your symptoms change over time?
TLS:They became worse.
The burning and stabbing escalated and we wouldnot have sex at all.
We were getting married and probably not going to be able to have intercourse on our wedding night.
I was becoming depressed over the thought of never being able to have enjoyable sex again.
SELF: And that’s when you took matters into your own hands.
Vaginal dilators are used every day in pelvic floor physical therapy and recommended by doctors.
So I took a set of dilators and made a neodymium magnet insert to put inside.
SELF: How are things now for you, personally?
TLS:Things are great now between my husband and I.
If I use the dilator twenty minutes before we have sex, I can have close to pain-free intercourse.
During my research I have found vulvodynia can disappear or become less painful.
JS:I want to address men who have partners withpelvic pain.
It’s not an excuse and the pain is real.
This should not end a relationship.
It’s not her fault.
kindly be patient and supportive.
