But the lingering unease stuck with me.
Nachos made me happy.
Now they had become literal nightmare fuel.
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They seemed to me to be indicative of a deeper, trickier issue.
Maybe with a little less bread.
(I came of age in a low-carb era.)
I embarked on my first round of Whole30 in 2011 after seeing a flyer at a grocery store.
In other words, I thought, 30 days and Id be made new againa fresh start.
Sometimes during a cycle of Whole30 I did lose a little weight.
I thought, and worried, about my meals constantly.
Some people do well with rigidity.
For me, rigidity seems to create conditions that amplify my own anxieties.
Grains, legumes, soy, sugar, alcohol, and dairy are all forbidden.
Oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa: out.
Greek yogurt: nope.
Whole30 dictates 30 full days without any of these products, no excuses.
It is always a choice, so dont phrase it as if you had an accident.
The no-excuses approach might be motivating for some.
But for me, it felt almost militaristic, like I was being lectured into being good.
I found myself nursing a preoccupation with not screwing up.
Eating off-plan then creates intense feelings of guilt for the damage you are doing to your body.
Each time I did Whole30, that sort of philosophy really took root in my mind.
This is not to say that Whole30 alone is responsible for my fraught relationship with food.
As I mentioned, I had already tried dieting before.
And for some people it seems like it can do exactly that.
With any jot down of diet, there’s a sense of deprivation, she says.
We obsess about it.
We’re consumed by it.
And no matter what, at some point, we’ll overcompensate by binging on it.
Healthy eating is flexible and inclusive of a wide variety of foods.
It all starts to feel like a minefield.
Everyone has a different experience doing diets like these.
The site featurestestimonialsfrom people who credit Whole30 with changing their lives and improving their health.
It took even longer to enjoy a bowl of pasta for dinner without feeling guilty.
I have proudly, lovingly cultivated an entire shelf of canned beans.
And to be clear, this isnt something Whole30 told me or taught me directly.
In fact, nothing about the world is so black and white.
To sleep, perchance to dream of a giant plate of nachos.
