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You might even fear what your fantasy says about you or your relationship.
Ted + Chelsea Cavanaugh
Ive heard it all.
Of course, easier said than done, right?
Remember that youre not weird for having fantasies.
Fantasies arent inherently gross or creepy.
They’re a natural part of being a sexual person.
Sex generally begins with the mind and our attitude toward sex, which often means fantasies.
Figure out what your goal is in sharing your fantasy.
Thinking about certain sexual situations doesnt mean you necessarily want them to happen.
Do you want your partner to know you on a more intimate level?
Or do you actually want to play out the fantasy with them?
You dont need to have this all hammered out before you bring it up.
Talking these questions through together can be enlightening and can foster intimacy.
Explain that theres no pressure to act on your fantasy ASAP (or ever).
Otherwise your partner may feel as though theyre being asked to role-play on the spot.
Be prepared for a positive or negative reaction, or maybe even a mix of both.
Speaking of vulnerability, its a huge part of speaking honestly about yourfantasies.
Your partner can have any number of reactions to the ideas knocking around inside of your head.
(Which doesnt automatically mean they thinkyouredisgusting.)
To that end make a run at prepare yourself for any reaction that might come your way.
But…what if your sexual fantasy is dark or taboo in some way?
Quick disclaimer: This section and the following section discuss topics related to sexual coercion and consent.
If you might find that upsetting, I recommend skipping to the final section and reading from there.
For some people, the thought of double penetration orface slappingcounts as dark.
For others, its the thought of harming someone or being harmed (either with or without consent).
But rape fantasies are more common than many people realize.
The first major thing to know about rape fantasies is that they usually arent about actually nonconsensual sex.
There are all kinds of reasons someone might have this jot down of fantasy.
Its perfectly OK to seek help in understanding where theyre coming from.
There is a line between fantasizing and actually acting on the fantasy, Overstreet says.
This is why talking to a trained professional can help.
Theyre also OK if they dont bother you.
The exception here comes when they think theres an imminent threat of you hurting yourself or someone else.
Finally, have empathy for yourself and your partner.
That calls for a lot of empathy flowing both ways.
