One Adderall pill was enough to convince Michelle* that the drug was amazing.
I loved it!"
After graduating in 2006, she didn’t plan to use Adderall again.
Illustration by Jimmy Turrell
But then came the job hunt.
“Trying to find a job in New York City while still living in Boston was really stressful.
This time, though, Michelle didn’t want to rely on friends; she wanted her own supply.
Illustration by Jimmy Turrell
“I answered yes and left with an Adderall prescription.
It was that easy.”
What Michelle did notice: The 30 pounds she lost from her 5-foot-7-inch frame in just four months.
“The quick weight loss was a surprisethe icing on the cake.
The pills wiped out my appetite and made me feel incredible,” Michelle says.
“I was thrilled: It was literally the perfect combination!”
When her prescription ran out, she got a referral to a psychiatrist in NYC.
“He was basically a script doctor.
What she wanted was more Adderall.
*Name has been changed.
On the upped dosage, Michelle began having trouble sleeping.
When she returned to the same doctor and complained about her insomnia, he prescribed Xanax.
It workedfor a while.
“I was a gladiator by day and then took a Xanax to sleep,” she recalls.
“I felt invincible.”
So much so that she decided to quit her job and work for herself.
Within a few months, she was finishing her 30-day allotment in 20 days.
“When the pills ran out, I crashed,” she recalls.
“I could barely get out of bed or do work.
My whole body ached, and I became a moody monster until my next refill.”
Her erratic behavior cost her clients, and eventually she couldn’t afford rent.
“My life was imploding, and I felt like a failure,” Michelle says.
Michelle moved back home to Miami to regroup, telling herself that fast-paced Manhattan was the problemnot Adderall.
She found a PR job and got an apartment.
“I knew that 60 mg wasn’t going to be enough,” Michelle says.
She started going through her 30-day prescription in 10 days.
Friends became concernedshe was acting super intensebut Michelle brushed them off, saying she was simply stressed.
The pharmacist asked her to wait.
“When I told him, he said, ‘You’re under arrest for medicinal drug fraud.’?”
Michelle was led away in handcuffs and taken to jail.
But Adderall’s rep as a “smart” drug isn’t the whole picture.
For them, Adderall can make it possible to study or work without feeling constantly distracted.
But it doesn’t makeanyonesmarter or affect IQ.
Many people don’t understand that, though.
“The drug gives them an increased confidence in their abilities.”
The fact that Adderall is pretty easy to get only adds to its appeal.
“But most people don’t see a specialist.
And many primary care doctors aren’t adequately trained to screen for the disorder.”
And this may be Adderall’s greatest threatthat people don’t take its risks seriously.
“But when they are abused, they can be just as dangerous.”
“Abusing Adderall is like playing Russian roulette,” says Dr. Volkow.
“You don’t know what will happen until you’ve tried it.”
A half hour later, she felt something bite her.
“I thought it was a flea.
She spent the next 24 hours cleaning her place.
She also continued taking Adderall.
A few days later, her scalp started to itch.
“That sent me spiraling: I was convinced I had lice.”
She went out to buy special shampoo and returned home to wash her hair.
Then she started hearing voices.
“I was scared and confused.
I called my best friend to tell her, and she called my mom.”
Elizabeth’s mother flew in from Ohio the next day and took her to the hospital.
Though the hallucinations had stopped, doctors thought she might be schizophrenic.
Elizabeth was pretty sure that wasn’t the caseshe vaguely remembered reading something about Adderall overdose and psychosis.
The episode scared her enough that she decided to stop taking the drug.
(Unlike some other meds, it is possiblethough not recommendedto quit Adderall without seeking medical attention.)
A few months later, Elizabeth’s pharmacy called to say there had been a manufacturing mistake.
Within a few months, she again was taking more than prescribed.
One day during those two weeks, Elizabeth was lying in bed when she started having chest pains.
Thinking she was having a heart attack, she called 911.
Once at the hospital, she started freaking out.
“After that, I swore I’d never take Adderall again.”
“And they could happen to anyone, even people taking the medication as prescribed for ADHD.”
Often, Adderall will make people feel better at first, but fairly quickly, many will feel worse.
Ashley was a sophomore in college when a friend offered her an Adderall to help her study.
“I loved it the second I tried it,” says Ashley, now 28.
“I’d always been anxious, but on Adderall I felt less stressed, more focused.”
She got pills off and on from a friend before deciding she needed her own prescription.
“She gave me a short questionnaire, and I truthfully answered yes to all the questions.”
On Adderall, Ashley’s anxiety worsened.
She began feeling claustrophobic in crowded places.
He prescribed a sedative to help ease her anxiety.
Over the next few years, Ashley’s life unraveled.
She started abusing Adderall.
Her anxiety became crippling, and she dropped out of school.
“I barely left my room.
I’d stay up until 4 a.m. doing crosswords.
She grew delusional, convinced people were trying to get into her room.
Desperate to figure out what was happening, she Googled her symptoms and the drugs she was taking.
She stumbled upon a story of a woman who ended up in a mental hospital after OD’ing on Adderall.
Ashley called her parents.
With her parents' encouragement, she started seeing a substance-abuse counselor.
“I’d never even been a pot smoker!
But this drug took over.”
Michelle and Elizabeth are both sober now as well after seeking treatment.
“There aren’t drugs to treat amphetamine withdrawal,” says Dr. Seppala.
“You’re usually tired and depressed.
it’s crucial that you eat and sleep.”
Relapse is the biggest threat.
(Most experts do not believe that Adderall abuse causes any permanent neurological damage.)
“That low is part of what drives people back to the drug,” Dr. Seppala says.
Elizabeth went back to Adderall after her first psychotic episode because she missed the energy it gave her.
But after the second episode she knew she had to quit.
She also started training for an Ironman, which she completed last spring.
“That was a great achievement,” Elizabeth says.
“But staying sober is the greatest one.”
Michelle celebrated three years of sobriety in January.
As part of the agreement following her arrest, she entered a rehab program.
She stayed for two months and then moved to a halfway house for six.
Michelle still sees a psychiatrist to help her stay on track.
You start to believe that you’re able to’t do these things without Adderall.
And that, to me, is more terrifying than the pill itself.”