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What do you need?
Mirna Valerio
It isnt because Im a runner who has done a bunch of marathons and ultramarathons and enjoys them immensely.
It is because I am fat.
Fat and a little bit famous.
Mirna Valerio
Ive also experienced the beauty and honor of being catered to.
“What do you need?”
someone will ask me.
Mirna Valerio
This question always takes be aback a little and I often feel guilty answering.
Um, can, um…someone fill my pack?
Can you, um, pour me some ginger ale?
About nine years ago, I had a health scare.
Although this job held great professional benefits, my health and wellness progressively worsened.
I eventually left that job for another one.
Despite absolutely adoring my new gig, my health problems continued.
I had been so concerned with being everything for everyone that I had forgotten myself in the process.
I was mom, wife, teacher, dorm-parent, grad-student, private music instructor….
I left my own health and wellness to chance.
But my body in its bruised but infinite wisdom sounded a painful warning signal.
I had forgotten to take care of my own needs, at the expense of me.
I had forgotten that I, myself, actually mattered.
My body told me what it needed, and I finally heeded this urgent messagethis unlikely gift.
I hope that you, sisters, will do the same.
There seems to be no way to win.
I need someone to make a meal for me, with things I like to eat.
I need to take a walk outside or go for a run.
I need to not have to take care of everyone at work.
I need a break.
Your worth is not determined by how much you’re free to do for others.
And if you want to care for them, you first have toattend to yourself.
When we forsake our own needs, we are killing ourselves, literally and figuratively.
We are stomping on our dreams to allow others to fulfill theirs.
And we are forgoing our own wellness to ensure others are well.
There is room in the center for one more person: you.
You are worthy just as you are and you are worthy enough toinhabit the center of your own life.
You are worthy enough to have goals for yourself and work toward them.
You are worthy enough to have dreams, and to make those dreams reality.
You are worthy enough to ask the question What do I need?
and give yourself or do for yourself whatever that is.
At times the support is overwhelming and there are moments when I dont think that I deserve it.
I think I didnt work hard enough, or shouldnt the support go to someone who really needs it?
Or I don’t need anything, Im doing just fine.
I catch myself thinking these godawful thoughts, and I stop.
Why is it that I dont allow myself to be uplifted and centered by others?
I do deserve for someone to look after my needs.
And so do you.
We all deserve it.
We are entitled to answer the question What do you need without shame or humility.
Ask yourself:What do I need?
Now go out and get it.
She is married to Cito Nikiema, and together they have a very tall basketball-loving teenage son, Rashid.
She loves being in nature and frequently runs trails in the north Georgia mountains.
Her memoir,A Beautiful Work in Progress(Grand Harbor Press),was released in October.
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