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you might get it on every night and be unfulfilled or do it once a month and feel satisfied.
“The real question is, How often do you want to havesex?”
And just as important: How often does he want to?
They don’t do candlelit dinners.
But they have always had the sense that they were meant for each other.
They met 10 years ago.
The attraction was instant, and after three months of dating, Dane, then 30, proposed.
A month after they eloped, she was pregnant with her first child.
Usually, the sex isn’t terribly imaginative or long-lasting, but that is just fine with them.
“We call it ‘the basic,'” Sarah says.
“It’s good, solidsex.”
And there’s a lot of it.
Early in their marriage, they realized they had never gone without sex for more than two days.
Over the course of a month, consider keeping track of when you get it on.
“Taking inventory gives you some objective data to go on,” Dr. Birndorf explains.
“It’s a jumping-off point for having an informed discussion about frequency.”
The chemistry was undeniable.
Two years later, they moved in together.
They still do it once or twice a week, but Heather is concerned about their downward trajectory.
“What’s it going to be like in 10 or 20 years?”
That’s not to say that you’re doomed to a sexless future.
To prevent a rut down the line, make a concerted effort not to slip into roommate mode.
Problem was, “We had a very unhealthy dynamic,” she says.
“I made the mistake of interpreting the physical connection as love.”
After returning from a monthlong business trip in 2008, she realized she wanted to be with him.
She called him when she got home, and “it was ‘on’ after that.”
“Oursexis more fun, wild and passionate,” she says.
The Sexpert Assessment:Quality trumps quantity when it comes to sex for some couples.
“Having a strong, emotional connection can make sexhowever sporadicmore satisfying,” Dr. Birndorf says.
Through it all, her love for her husband, and his for her, hasn’t faltered.
They do it every month or so and are affectionate otherwisehugging,kissingand cuddling.
He expresses disappointment sometimes, and she continues trying to increase her sex drive.
They boosted her confidence so much that she installed a pole in her house.
“I’m less embarrassed being sexy for my husband,” she says.
Only natural, she figured, given the stress of planning a wedding.
When she makes overtures, Tom says he’s too tired or the timing isn’t right.
Talking about it only seems to make himdepressed.
“He’ll say, ‘I know.
It’s my fault.
I’ll work on it.'”
She longs for physical passion and to be desired sexually.
“I don’t want to leave him,” she says.
“But I need a husband, not just a roommate.”
The causes vary from hormone levels to stress; counseling can help suss out the source.
Tom’s sensitivity about the topic is not uncommon, either.
