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Boy oh boy that has been a hard pill to swallow!

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Amber Rae

It’s been a decision my ego has fought me on.

Logically, I know my worth isn’t tied to my business.

Logically, I know this is what’s best for my well-being and that of the business.

This business has felt like a continuation of an abusive relationshipdraining.

But even though my mind knows all this, emotionally speaking I feel like I failed.

I feel like I wasted an opportunity of taking this business on my own and growing it.

I feel like I SHOULD have done more with it.

I feel like I’m disappointing my community that has supported me and this business for seven years.

I feel like I’m giving up on my business and giving up on myself.

I’m crying as I write this because it’s so painful to acknowledge.

This was, by far, one of the most exciting moments of my career.

What I didnt predict is how the experience would challengeeverythingI knew to be true aboutentrepreneurshipand starting things.

I entered the experience both exhilarated by the opportunity and terrified that Id fail or make a mistake.

Up until that point, I had celebrated myself as a high achiever.

I wasthatperson in interviews whod respond to the question Whats your greatest weakness?

by answering Im aperfectionist.

Secretly, I saw that weakness as a strength.

And when I did mess up?

Id hide like my life depended on it because I was so ashamed.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

But Seth had a point.

I had been so preoccupied with the question of What if I fail?

that I was stalling in my life and career.

I get this is easier said than done.

Like you, I felt ashamed.

I felt like I had let everyone down.

I was crying under covers, in hallway corners, and over bottles of wine.

I felt like I wasted the opportunity to create something big.

I felt like a failure.

I felt like I didnt deserve to ever start anything ever again.

Also like you, I had the same thought: How do Iavoidfeeling like a failure?

How do Iavoidfeeling ashamed and distraught and like my life is falling apart?

All I did was avoid.

Avoid the uncomfortable feelings.

Avoid the hard conversations.

Avoid the fact that I failed.

But avoiding those feelings didnt bring me closer to letting go.

They gnawed at my soul.

First, I acknowledged the pain.

Tears meant I was writing in the right direction.

As I came to learn, failure wasnt the issue.

It was my relationship to it.

It was my desire to avoid it.

It was my longing to get over itas quickly as possible.

It was through confusing my project failingwhich when learned from leads to meaningful growthwithmebeing a failure.

The same goes for you.

Your worth is intrinsic and eternal, no matter what happens in your business.

No matter what does or does not go well in your life.

And the feelings youre avoiding?

They’re the way through.

Logic wont get you through this one, love.

Cry as much as you need.

She can be found on Instagram@heyamberrae.