Matt and I had been married for exactly one year when we found out I waspregnant.
I couldnt believe it had happened so quickly!It must be meant to be, I thought.
I can still hear his voice ring out with excitement: Baby!
The author and her husband holding Omara. Photo byMeghann Chapman Photography
We were so excited to welcome our daughter into our family.
That same night, I ordered a blanket with her name embroidered on it.
He then said he was referring us to a specialist at the University of Virginia, and we left.
Omara during the author’s scan at CHOP. Courtesy of Lindsey Paradiso
The fear didn’t start setting in until the drive home as I researched growths on babies.
Some diagnoses had hopeful outcomes, while others were lifelong conditions that often led to death.
I began imagining worst-case scenarios and tried to prepare myself.
The author holding Omara. Photo byMeghann Chapman Photography
I didn’t realize we were embarking upon on the most agonizing journey to discover the truth.
I was 20.5 weeks pregnant.
Six hours of testing later, Matt and I met in a small conference room with six doctors.
The tumor was inoperable and overtaking Omaras heart, lungs, eyes, and brain.
She wouldnt live until birth, much less after.
In that moment, it felt like they told us our daughter had already died.
For what seemed like hours, we discussed all of the possible options, of which there werent many.
I couldnt maintain my composure anymore, and I broke down.
They left us alone to decide how we wanted to continue, and we just sat there and cried.
We left CHOP that day without knowing what our next move was going to be.
I havetachycardia(a rapid heart rate), and doctors were concerned about stress on my heart.
My doctor inserted a needle through my belly button into Omaras heart to stop its beating.
Without Omara kicking around inside of me, I felt hollow.
It took 40 hours and three epidurals to reach the end of my labor.
I was on so much pain medication that I barely remember when the doctors handed Omara to me.
She was lifeless, tiny, and purple.
Matt and I sat close for hours as we took turns holding her in our arms and saying goodbye.
It was incredibly difficult, but I will cherish that time forever.
It is now on its way to the Senate.
Nine in 10 abortions take place within the first 13 weeks of pregnancy, according to theGuttmacher Institute.
When they happen after that, its likely due to problems in a much-wanted pregnancy, like mine.
Fetal anomalies like Omaras often aren’t noticed until thesecond trimesterdue to screening and testing schedules.
Five weeks of second, third, fourth opinions; of traveling between states; of painful deliberation.
And 40 hours of labor.
And the only three hours I ever got with my daughter, Omara.
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Or I would have had to carry her, allowing the tumor to grow unchecked until she passed naturally.
She likely would have been too large for me to deliver vaginally, so I would have had aC-section.
These are impossible choices being made by loving and grieving parents.
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