Being assertive is a core communication skill.
Assertiveness can help you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view.
It can also help you do this while respecting the rights and beliefs of others.
Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others' respect.
This can help with stress management.
Some people seem to be naturally assertive.
But if you’re not assertive, you’re free to learn to be.
Because assertiveness is based on mutual respect, it’s an effective and diplomatic communication style.
It also demonstrates that you’re aware of others' rights and willing to work on resolving conflicts.
Of course, it’s not just what you sayyour messagebut also how you say it that’s important.
Assertive communication is direct and respectful.
Being assertive gives you the best chance of successfully delivering your message.
If your style is passive or nonassertive, you may seem to be shy or overly easygoing.
You may routinely say things such as “I’ll just go with whatever the group decides.”
You tend to avoid conflict.
Why is that a problem?
In essence, when you’re too passive, you allow others to ignore your wants and needs.
The extra work means you’ll have to work overtime and miss your daughter’s soccer game.
Your intention may be to keep the peace.
But always saying yes can poison your relationships.
The internal conflict that can be created by passive behavior can lead to:
Now consider the other side.
You may appear self-righteous or superior.
Very aggressive people embarrass, intimidate and scare others and may even be physically threatening.
You may think that being aggressive gets you what you want.
However, it comes at a cost.
Aggression weakens trust and mutual respect.
Others may come to resent you, leading them to avoid or oppose you.
Now consider passive-aggressive behavior.
If you communicate in a passive-aggressive manner, you may say yes when you want to say no.
You may be sarcastic or complain about others behind their backs.
You may have developed a passive-aggressive style because you’re uncomfortable being direct about your needs and feelings.
What are the drawbacks of a passive-aggressive communication style?
Over time, passive-aggressive behavior damages relationships and weakens mutual respect.
This makes it difficult for you to get your goals and needs met.
Being assertive is usually viewed as a healthier communication style.
Assertiveness offers many benefits.
It helps you keep people from taking advantage of you.
It can also help you from acting like a bully to others.
People develop different styles of communication based on their life experiences.
Your style may be so ingrained that you’re not even aware of what it is.
People tend to stick to the same communication style over time.
If you’ve spent years silencing yourself, becoming more assertive probably won’t happen overnight.
Or if anger leads you to be too aggressive, you may need to learn some anger management techniques.
If despite your best efforts you’re not making progress toward becoming more assertive, consider formal assertiveness training.
The payoff will be worth it.
By becoming more assertive, you could begin to express your true feelings and needs more easily.
You may even find that you get more of what you want as a result.
Updated: 5/13/2022
Publication Date: 6/21/2007
