Shows likeFriendsandHow I Met Your Mothermake the breakup-to-bestie trope seem doable (exciting, even).
But offscreen, can you be friends with your ex?
That said, pivoting to a genuinely platonic relationshipispossible, as long as you do some serious self-reflection first.
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However, there are ways staying friends can workand even be healthy for you.
But deciding to keep this person in your life isnt just about whether youcanmake it work.
Its also about whether its healthy and mutually beneficial in the long run.
According to Dr. Shaw, making that call requires some serious self-awareness.
To get at the real answer, she suggests asking yourself a few tough questions.
Why do I want to be friends with my ex?
Maybe, as we mentioned above, you started off as friends and realized you work better that way.
Or youre coparenting, so staying on good, cordial terms is easier and less stressful.
Have you had enough time since the breakup to think clearly?
Theresno set timelinefor how many days or months it should take to get over someone.
Speaking of…
3.
Do you still feel hurt, resentment, or nostalgia about the breakup?
Supposeone of you cheated, though, or was otherwise blindsided and bitter about nevergetting closure.
Is this decision mutual?
Maybe only one of you genuinely wants to remain palswhile the other is agreeing to avoid awkwardness.
You have to ask yourself not just, What feelings do I have?
but also, What feelings mighttheyhave?
Do we have enough in common to be friends?
While dating, lots of things can make your bond feel specialemotional vulnerability, electrifying chemistry, evengreat sex.
But when those affectionate elements are gone, there may not be much holding this friendship together.
Do I have other friends, or will they be my only support?
Even if they used to be your go-to person for everything, your ex cant keep playing that role.
Making sure you have abroader support systemalso gives you built-in accountability, Dr. Shaw adds.
Could I still be friends with them if they started dating someone new?
Its easy to lightly flirt when youre both freshly single.
Picture yourself supporting your ex-partner in a new relationship, Dr. Shaw suggests.
But if this scenario stirs up pangs ofjealousy?
What would my new partner think about this friendship?
Its also important to consider howyournew or future beau would feel about your friendship with an ex.
Equally important, would they be okay with it?
Can I accept the possibility that our connection wont look the same?
Healthy friendships, especially with exes, require an acceptance of change, Sharoni says.
How will we confirm our new dynamic is different?
And according to Sharoni, Setting clear boundariesis essential for preventing any misunderstandings and blurred lines.
What are some examples?
Will you be meeting one-on-one or sticking to group hangouts to prevent things from getting too intimate?
Sure, the transition probably wont be as smooth as Rachel and Joeys easygoing dynamic inFriends.
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