In 2016, I was at what most people would consider the height of my career.
I had been named to Oprah Winfreys Super Soul 100 list.
I was on my first magazine cover, in a white suit and a power pose.
Fatima Said
In my interview, I talked about understanding the realities of this entrepreneurial life Id chosen.
Looking back now, I can see that I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about.
And, sure enough, my carefully constructed world would soon come swiftly crashing down.
We were in the middle of building a movement!
There was very little time for distractions.
Thats when he told me I haddermatofibrosarcoma protuberans.
Youd think this was my momentthe moment that shook me at my core and convinced me toslow down.
Getting well for the sake of being well didnt cross my mind for a second.
And thats how I operated for a while.
It was a mix of the highest highs and the lowest lows of my life.
Five months later, I was finally cancer free and in the clear.
I dove back into travel, overtime work, and my fast paced life in New York.
To me, everything was back to normal.
I had a painful neurological illness calledoptic neuritisthat was unrelated to my cancer but harder to ignore.
I was constantly disoriented, nauseous, and extremely sensitive to light and sound.
Busy Manhattan streets and blurry subway rides were all but impossible.
I couldnt focus on writing an email, let alone leading a company and movement.
I truly believe it was my body telling me I needed to leave.
So, finally, I listened.
I packed up my Brooklyn apartment and headed back to Canada.
Say that ten times.
And then ten times more.
Now, heres where there needs to be some nuance: I still love to work.
I still take a lot of pride in contributing meaningfully to the world.
There will always be one more milestone, one more achievement to add to the list.
Ill never feel whole because we are not what we do; we are not the outputs we create.
That kind of self-care isnt self-care at all, its work under a different name.
I see myself as implicitly worthy of self love, regardless of the work Im producing.
It was kind of like the rise of face masks and bubble baths labelled as #selfcare.
Ive tried a lot of face masks.
None of them cured my cancer and depression.
They absolutely can have a place in effective self-care practices.
Which brings me to…
Things like booking that doctors appointment even though the thought of potential bad news is deeply terrifying.
Like making long term financial plans and budgets.
Like working with a therapist or coach to work through painful childhood traumas.
Its not easy to do the work involved in true self-care.
Starting over was earth-shattering.
Im now starting to produce more work Im equally proud of, and at a more intentional pace.
Im making time to see the healthcare professionals I need to see to feel great in my body.
Im establishing new,healthier habitsthat I know will serve me for the rest of my life.
