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Teigen already gets a lot of criticism for being so open online.
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That they, also having lost a child, felt for her but would never have donethat.
That this wasnt what it looked like to grieve the loss of a child.
Which is absolute bullshit.
It doesnt delegitimize their pain.
Thats something I learned the hard way.
My mom was the most precious thing any of us had ever lost.
Im an extrovert and very open to sharing my emotions.
I cope best when I can talk about how Im feeling.
As I grieved my moms death, I did so openly.
I cried and talked with friends or family about how sad I was.
On the other hand, my brother is quite introverted.
Hes not one to call up a friend and unload his emotions.
His silence made it hard to tell whether he was grieving or just trying to avoid emotion.
And then theres my dad.
He is extremely analytical and logical.
He operates best when he has a plan to follow.
Hes also, well, a dad.
So when my mom died, he had to take control.
He worked through the to-do list of logistics.
He didnt unload his emotions on us.
Also, as my moms primary caregiver, he knew more about her condition than we did.
I didnt realize it at the time, but this experience taught me how wildly different grief can look.
The way that we each express [grief] is unique to us, she says.
The loss itself might be shared, but the response is unique and individualized.
That being said, there are some universal emotions that people feel when they lose someone important.
Anger, pervasive sadness, and bargaining with a higher power are also common, she adds.
It really is this space of just feeling unanchored.
And then theres the aftermath, when we learn to adjust to life after loss.
But the way we express [these common emotions] can look vastly different, she adds.
Some people are more active in their grieving.
And it might be the last time we can take care of them.
Other people are more likely to seek support and express what theyre feeling, says Robinson.
(It me.)
And then there are other factors that can influence the grieving process.
Theres probably only one wrong way to grieve, Robinson says.
(you’re able to learn more about complicated griefhere.)
Taking photos to honor a tragic losslike Teigen and Legend didis just another way that some people cope.
How do they incorporate this moment into their life?
Whether a baby is born and survives or not, it changes the family.
To not capture it and honor it denies that something in life has fundamentally changed.
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Of course, its 1 million percent okay if taking photos of a tragic moment doesnt help you.
Whats not okay is to judge other people for whom it does.
We don’t get to decide how people honor an experience, Robinson says.
Yet…there are clearly so many people who think they can.
We, as humans, have a tough time accepting two perspectives as true, she adds.
That there doesnt have to be a right and a wrong way to grieve.
Maybe then, well be more accepting of the experience in general.
But until then, lets all stop policing one anothers grief and, instead, have some compassion.
Grief is a very normal human experience, one that well all face at some point in life.
That doesnt make it any less valid, raw, and real.
Related:
How Do We Even Grieve Right Now?
What Losing My Disabled Mom Taught Me About Ableism
What Happens When Your Grief Doesnt Go Away?
