Christina Perri has not had an easy year.
But in November of 2020, in her third trimester, Perri was hospitalized with pregnancy complications.
Two weeks later, she and her family shared the devastating news that they had lost their daughter.
Brad Torchia. Wardrobe styling by Mercedes Natalia. Hair and Makeup by April Bautista at Dew Beauty Agency. On Christina: Jacket: The Kooples. Bodysuit: ATM. Denim: Agolde.
The ensuing grief, she says, was unimaginable.
Starting with her name: Rosie.
I have done so much work to be able to talk about it.
Brad Torchia. Wardrobe styling by Mercedes Natalia. Hair and Makeup by April Bautista at Dew Beauty Agency. On Christina: Sweater: All Saints. Tank and Denim: Agolde.
I feel not just ready to talk about itI want to.
I want to be that voice.
It also builds upon Perris legacy of commemorating her love for her children via song.
Brad Torchia. Wardrobe styling by Mercedes Natalia. Hair and Makeup by April Bautista at Dew Beauty Agency. On Christina: Jacket: The Kooples. Bodysuit: ATM. Denim: Agolde.
The companion album for Rosie had long been in her mind.
It was now imperative for her to build something concrete to honor Rosies life.
There was a moment where I was like, Should I [make the album]?
Brad Torchia. Wardrobe styling by Mercedes Natalia. Hair and Makeup by April Bautista at Dew Beauty Agency. On Christina: Sweater: All Saints. Tank and Denim: Agolde.
And then I was like, Oh, I absolutely should, she says.
I haveSongs for Carmella,and this is the same album cover.
It uses the same font.
Its the second volume.
Because Rosie is my daughter.
And she will remain part of our family forever.
This was exactly why Perri wantedSongs for Rosieout in the world.
I had to integrate the trauma, she says.
My heart is broken, but Im honoring her.
Ive been calling grief a house, she explains.
And Ive been very present in each room, in each phase of grief.
He kept me just a bit busy.
That little pug really carried me through.
Her subsequent metaphorical room graduations have happened through a lot of dedicated, deliberate work.
I did a lot of therapy: regular therapy, trauma therapy, couples therapy.
I really just did the most I could possibly do.
The scars left by a stillbirth can be visceral, both figuratively and literally.
My body was truly, truly broken, she says.
One of the hardest parts was having the postpartum body without the baby.
Looking like I just had a baby, and not having the baby Perri says.
I actually would get mad when I looked at myself.
It was a reminder, every time, of not having her.
Sobrietyhas been a surprising source of comfort for Perri in this time.
But then I thought to myself: It wouldnt take away the pain.
I think Id been sober long enough to know itd be one more problem.
So I really asked for what I needed and took the time for what I needed.
I have to give credit there.
Perri has also made an effort to connect with other parents who had lost babies.
Its a club nobody wants to be a part of, but the women in that club are phenomenal.
When she shared what had happened on social media, the incoming support was immediate and overwhelming, too.
And in pain, sometimes we really feel connected.
If sharing her story now helps another family feel less alone, or helps them process their grief?
Id love that, she says.
But ultimately, sharing her storyRosies storyis a part of Perris personal journey.
Rosies life was really important for that short amount of time that she got, says Perri.
Lately, what brings Perri additional solace is believing Rosie will get more time someday.
Ill run into her one day, well connect again.
That makes me feel like I can get out of bed and live life.
As much progress as Perri has made with her healing, the truth is that grief is not linear.
There is no finish line.
I dont have all the answers, she says.
Im still sort of in it.
Its only the first year.
But Perri can see how far shes come with the effort she put in.
I dont think Ive ever taken care of myself as much as I have this year.
I stopped looking in the mirror.
I stopped trying to fit into my old clothes.
I stopped trying to hide my body.
Its probably the most gentle Ive ever been with myself.
I still have faith in my own body, she says.
I mean, I made Carmella.
This perspective is a testament to all the therapy she has done.
The 23rd and 24th of November, Perri says, will always be the worst days of the year.
Im trying to find ways to honor the spirit of a little kid, she says.
It might sound silly, but were trying to celebrateher.
Thats how I, personally, am going to get through that week.
Were just trying to do something beautiful with something really, really sad.
She and Costabile both got rose tattoos, and Costabile planted a rose tree for her at their home.
And because of the symbolism of her name, we think about her all the time, says Perri.
Ill light a rose candle, and I can honor her.
But Perri doesnt think of it that way.
Thats how shes living in our lives.
Shes in my breath, you know?
