so much self-imposed humiliation!when I see others who don’t seem to empathize,Ifeel pain.
Then again, empathy comes a little too readily to me.
My older brother, Ted, was diagnosed with an immune deficiency disorder when I was 6.
So what exactly is empathy?
It also helps me interact more compassionately with friends and family and soften up grim-faced salesclerks.
Yet except with my nearest and dearest, I don’t act on my empathetic instincts much.
When I see heart-wrenching commercials featuring starving orphans, I turn the channel.
I do not give money to homeless people on the street.
I’m not the only one with certain deficits in the empathy department.
The truth is that empathy makes peoplehappierbecause it helps life feel more meaningful.
Empathetic people are likely to stay married longer.
Empathy also seems to confer physical benefits.
Empathy may also help us get ahead in life, in big and little ways.
First, the nature: All human beings are capable of feeling empathy.
DNA may be partly responsible for such heroic actsstudies suggest the trait has a hereditary component.
But empathy is affected by environment, too.
I lived the ups and downs with him.
“The more you play tennis, the better you get,” he says.
“Empathy works the same way.”
To Konrath, that’s no coincidence.
“Spending so much time interacting online could certainly change our ability to empathize,” she says.
“It’s that it doesn’t require us to use much of it.”
If you don’t use it, you could lose it.
People want to be listened to and understood, above all.
“Immediately giving advice can short-circuit your mate’s effort to express emotion,” she explains.
“We all want to be fully known by our partner.
Empathy helps us do that.”
A few months ago, my husband was waiting in line when he butted elbows with a pushy woman.
Observe what people do, ask questions, and take lots of notes," he says.
You’ll end up with far more information than you would from the average marketing report.
On a more personal level, empathy can also help you when your boss is in a bad mood.
If she snipes at you for no reason, instead of catastrophizing (she’s going to fire me!
), stop and think about what might be going on for her that week.
Is there a deadline looming?
Of course, some bosses are worse than others.
Worse, she waved over a cluster of my colleagues to witness my dressing-down.
Not surprisingly, most of us had resumes circulating.
Also not surprisingly, I wasn’t doing my best work there.
An empathetic boss, on the other hand, is apt to foster an environment where creativity thrives.
Fortunately, that was the case at my next gig.
The office oozed good feeling.
We shared ideas and pitched in for each other.
The work was satisfying, but it was the relationships that made my days great.
It’s no coincidence that I blossomed there, as did my writing.
Say a coworker is late to a crucial meeting because she has a sick child.
If you’re senior, everyone around you tries to intuit your needs and look at things your way.
But as the boss, you don’t have to try as hard to do that for others.
Surprisingly, reading fiction, especially novels with main characters unlike you, can help you do that.
Indeed, anything that has a story line, including plays and movies, can bolster your skills.
That’s because empathy starts with your paying attention to what’s going on around you, Kraus says.
One way to do that is by learning to meditate.
Research suggests that the practice can make it easier to tune in to others.
“Don’t miss an opportunity to be kind to someone.”
(Actually, I’d checked it only a few minutes before.)
So I resisted, stayed in the moment and made myself look around.
I scooted over and held it open for her.
She looked up, surprise and relief washing over her face.
“Happens to me all the time,” I said, nodding at her behemoth of a stroller.
Did my action change the world?
But it was a moment of niceness shared, for her and for me.
Quiz: Are You Empathetic Enough?
