When you hear the word athlete, what comes to mind?
A thin, muscular body?
Someone whos always at the top of their game?
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
Perhaps its being able to lift a certain amount of weight, or never letting them see you sweat.
Before I found Muay Thai, my life was pretty mundane.
Then I was invited to a Muay Thai competition, which made me rethink what a fighter could be.
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
After that, I completely changed my life.
I feel like Im living more genuinely now.
Strength gets misconstrued a lot.
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
People think that not crying, not showing any emotion, is strength.
I was a sporty child.
Sometimes it sucks to be right.
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
To be honest, the challenges aren’t completely over.
That’s the thing about strength.
And Ive realized that for me, ideally, swimming isnt competitive.
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
Finally, theres the team I belong to now, which is specifically for LGBT people and allies.
For me, strength is vulnerability.
Actually, I can.
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
Ive realized that when Im open online about not being okay, it becomes more okay.
It felt good to speak publicly about being trolled while running last years NYC Marathon right after losing twins.
Im generally pretty desensitized to ignorant peoplelike, okay, I guess they have nothing better to do!
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
Why are we still ignoring womens pain?
Physically, Im in constant pain because of my endometriosis, sciatica, and disk degeneration.
If I didnt want to run ultramarathons or whatever else, I wouldnt.
Heather Hazzan. Makeup by Deanna Melluso for See Management. Hair by Hide Suzuki.
Balancing my physical, mental, and spiritual needs is the essence of what makes me strong.
For me, strength is physical: What can I lift?
How powerfully can I hit?
What can my body endure?
And its mental: What can I can handle in terms of losses?
How do I cope with adversity?
It has to be a combination of those things, because my issues are kind of across the board.
I live with chronic pain.
I had back surgery when I was young, and have an issue with my knee now.
I have body dysmorphia and social anxiety.
I feel things very strongly.
And its partly that once you start hitting the pads, you just have to let that stuff go.
It takes me out of myself, like meditation, but not.
Its meditation for people who cant sit still.
Sometimes, that kind of strength is harder.
Lifting has saved my life in the past year.
Its not going to happen overnight.
Im a weightlifter now because the sport is beautiful and technical and challenging.
Nora Whelanis a freelance writer, editor, photographer, and photo shoot producer.
