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I interviewed Gabrielle Union for this profile on May 8, which feels like a million years ago now.
Zaya Wade. Virtual wardrobe styling by Shibon Kennedy; virtual makeup consultations by Malika James; virtual hair consultations by Larry Sims at Forward Artists. On Union: Blazer and pants by Jonathan Simkhai.
’s Finest;and in 2019 was a judge on the 14th season ofAmericas Got Talent.
And she also runs a production company, Ill Have Another.
But mostly we spoke about parenting.
Zaya Wade. Virtual wardrobe styling by Shibon Kennedy; virtual makeup consultation by Malika James; virtual hair consultation by Larry Sims at Forward Artists. On Union: Dress by Jacquemus. Bikini by Mara Hoffman.
Heres what she had to say.
Union is a mother and stepmother to five kids in a big blended family.
And theyve raised Dahveon, 18, Wades nephew, for the past 12 years.
Zaya Wade. Virtual wardrobe styling by Shibon Kennedy; virtual makeup consultation by Malika James; virtual hair consultation by Larry Sims at Forward Artists. On Union: Dress by Jacquemus. Bikini by Mara Hoffman.
We call Dahveon our neph-son, Union told me.
Theres no legal paperwork; we just raise him.
Hes our child, and we love him.
Zaya Wade. Virtual wardrobe styling by Shibon Kennedy; virtual makeup consultation by Malika James; virtual hair consultation by Larry Sims at Forward Artists. On Union: Dress by Opening Ceremony.
Parenting is challenging enough as it is, but parenting in a pandemic is another sort of roller coaster.
But how do you say that and not crush somebodys spirit without lying?
What else can you do?
Zaya Wade. Virtual wardrobe styling by Shibon Kennedy; virtual makeup consultation by Malika James; virtual hair consultation by Larry Sims at Forward Artists. On Union: Trench coat by DKNY. Belt by Acne Studios.
Meanwhile, anti-Black racism was making things that much scarier, as it always does.
That hypocrisy leading to arrests.
That hypocrisy leading to abuse and uneven enforcement of rules that were all supposed to be following.
Zaya Wade. Virtual wardrobe styling by Shibon Kennedy; virtual makeup consultations by Malika James; virtual hair consultations by Larry Sims at Forward Artists. On Union: Blazer and pants by Jonathan Simkhai.
Its terrifying, honestly, she said again.
Riots are without reason.
Rebellions are in response to violence, inhumane conditions & an unjust system.
If Black folks are killed with impunityis this country livable for anyone?
Personally, Im anxious, Im depressed, Im enraged, Im heartbroken.
Im experiencing so many different feelings that these words dont even carry the weight of it all.
Waking up each morning to the nonstop murder of my brothers and sisters is excruciatingly painful.
Theres terror in my body.
As a family, we are all trying to cope.
The sentiment resonated with her.
Its that fear that so many marginalized mothers have, when their children are physically outside of their eyesight.
And in these times, there are no rules.
You dont even know what to say, because the hypocrisy is just rampant.
She explained that her parents believed assimilation would provide protectionspeaking the Queens English, dressing appropriately.
But she learned over time that the safety of assimilation was an illusion.
All of those things exist no matter how successful you are.
No matter how you speak.
I started to reject that.
And, more than that, she learned it came at a great psychic cost.
That seems actually ass backward.
I free you of that.
So I didnt want to put the same thing on our kids as what was put on me.
So Im not putting that on my kids.
In her tweet, Union wrote: Meet Zaya.
Shes compassionate, loving, whip smart and we are so proud of her.
Its okay to listen to, love & respect your children exactly as they are.
Love and light good people.
Union told me that the timing of the announcement was related in part to Wades documentary,D.
Wade: Life Unexpected,which premiered on ESPN on February 23.
He was uncomfortable with that and really wanted to show his family as we are.
And part of that is talking about Zayas journey.
I asked if she had advice for other parents with children in the LGBTQ+ community.
you might lead with humility, she said.
Its okay not to have all the answers.
The most important thing is to check that your child knows you love and accept them.
I love that in our household there are so many different ways of expressing ourselves, Union said.
And watching Zaya clock all of it.
That theres no one way to be a woman.
Theres no one way to be a Black woman.
Theres no one way to be beautiful.
Theres no one way to dress or to love your body.
And Union said shes learning from Zaya also.
But then when she talked to Zaya about it, Zaya had a surprising reaction.
Zaya was like, But Amandla Stenberg doesnt shave her armpits, Union said.
And I was like, No, she does not!
Stenberg is nonbinary and has used bothshe/herandthey/thempronouns in the past.
Union said the conversation forced her to examine her own beliefs about gender and expression.
You are a woman because you are.
Because that is your identity, she said.
Due to the pandemic, we couldnt shoot the images for this feature the way we normally would.
This forced us to think more creatively in search of a special solution.
Its always interesting to me, the pictures magazines choose, Union said.
And rarely do I like the pictures.
Like its very, very rare.
Im always like, There is no way this picture is good.
Like, What are you seeing?
And its so interesting to see different peoples perspectives of you.
She was eager to see what Zaya created with the opportunity.
Im just interested to see myself through Zayas eyes, she said.
I think thats really actually…really interesting.
Because I trust her.
And she has a story to tell.
I love her as an artist, she said.
Im just really interested to see what she comes up with.
We were interested to see what she came up with too.
And when the pictures came in, we were thrilled.
Theyre scattered throughout this story, and on our cover.
Pretty damn good for a 13-year-old with a Samsung in the middle of a pandemic!
We asked Zaya what the experience was like.
I finally felt like I was doing something that I loved.
It was a great experience.
So that was already a big adjustment.
And then quarantine happened.
You know, were getting used to each other, she said.
And were actually getting to know each other.
And that takes some time.
Something else shes learned recently: Her husband solves jigsaw puzzles from the inside out.
I couldnt take it.
And he was like, We dont all have to solve puzzles the same way.
This time in quarantine has reminded her that we all do things differently, she said.
And being okay with all of us doing things the way we see fit.
Including watching my husband do fucking puzzles ass backward.
Union had to think about it a bit.
Over Zoom, of course.
And then theres Netflix.
And Zaya watched separately, she said.
Were both like, Oh my God, should she choose Paxton?
That became our little thing.
Maybe that was a date.
She rattled off some names: Jenifer Lewis, Tichina Arnold, Halle Berry, Angela Bassett.
You got it, you got it.
She was like, Im just checking on you.
I see you, I see you, I appreciate you, you got this, Union said.
Washington doesnt send emails like that every week: Itll be random.
But its always right on time.
Eva Longoria had also recently reached out.
Longoria and I have been friends for a long time.
In November 2018, Union and Wade announced the arrival of Kaavia into their lives.
She said she had so many miscarriages during this period that she lost count at eight or nine.
Union recalled that dark period of her life as one long sustained feeling of numbness and loss.
The first [miscarriage] was fucking devastating and brutal.
Just loss and heartbreak.
And these feelings of failure, and feeling defective, and less than, and rejection.
Its like motherhood and babies were rejecting me.
There was no time for self-care.
There was no time for me to really register all of it, she said.
I asked whether she learned anything about resilience from the experience.
I think Im still trying to learn the difference between resilience and neglecting my emotional reality, she said.
Because they can feel the same, right?
And one sounds empowering and one is the opposite.
And I havent really been able to figure that out consistently.
She said the pandemic has dredged up some of these old feelingsis she coping?
Or is she numbing out?
I cant really tell the difference.
[When] Ive just lost time, she explained.
Its something beyond spacing out.
Shes a huge proponent of therapy, in any number of forms.
Theres only so much your brain and your heart and your soul can take, she said.
And we need help.
And Im a firm believer in getting it, however you’re able to.
When we spoke in early May, Union had been spending alotof time on Zoom.
Ive not been this busy or this productive ever, she told me.
Because what are you doing?
Were all supposed to be trapped at home.
Union adjusted to quarantine well, all things considered.
We fell into a groove quickly, she said.
Their days have followed a similar pattern.
Unions sister helps care for Kaavia.
(A blessing and a curse, apparently.)
I hate the phraseseat at the table,because fuck that table, Union said.
If it sounds personal, thats because it is.
Sometimes at the risk to her own career.
Union made headlines last year following her exit from NBCsAmericas Got Talent(AGT).
(In California, whereAGTwas filmed, it is illegal to smoke in an enclosed workplace environment.)
NBC and the producers take any issues on set seriously.
We take the investigation very seriously."
Unions lawyer then responded with a statement as well (you might read both statements here).
As of press time, the situation is ongoing.
Like, openly flouting the law.
And no ones doing anything.
Im sitting there like, I dont want to bethisgirl.
Dayone?Like, day one on this dream job?
Like…come on.
And everyones like, Aahh, yeah, you know, we can ask?
she recalled, laughing in the retelling.
And Im like, Well, its, like, a law?
So I dont even think you really have to ask, right?
Its just, like, the law.
So…
Union attributes this moment to the beginning of her troubles at the show.
Who am I if I cant stand up in this?
Its not an opinion; this is the law.
But here we go.
And I have to say something, and I have to stand up for all of us.
But with that can come consequences.
I asked Union if theres anything in her career she regretsnotspeaking up about.
Oh, theres all kinds of things that I regret not being vocal about, she said.
Like, I have to say something.
And then you start worrying about paying bills.
And this is a real fear, and its legitimate.
I absolutely understand that.
You run abigrisk in speaking out and being the first one out there talking about something.
And its your head getting cut off first.
Like my very being was eroding.
