Talking about it always felt like bragging to me.

Plus, what if it didn’t work out?

Of course, those boxes are all bound to explode.

And when mine did, it ignited a years-long struggle withdepression and anxiety.

It was a real come-to-Jesus moment, for us as a couple and for me as a human.

I knew he was right.

I didnt want to be closed off from the people I love.

Still, it didnt occur to me to seek professional help.

That wasnt me, so I just promised to be more forthcoming with him and we moved on.

Making a concerted effort to be more open did improve our relationship.

But I soon realized that it didnt resolve my tendency toward avoidance and secrecy.

That number is even smaller for minorities.

Im white and considerably privileged.

I wanted to understand myself and I wanted to open up.

But the transition from non-sharer to sharer was…difficult, to say the least.

Sometimes you realize that things arent how you remember them.

Repressed memories occasionally surface.

Or someone might ask the usually safe question Hows work going?

Its truly a wonder I havent lost friends over this.

But for others, personal epiphanies are harder to compartmentalize.

This is the case for me partly because Im a fairly obsessive person.

I need to feel like whatever Im dealing with is 100 percent resolved before I can move on.

I couldnt help but talk about it, no matter who was around.

To make matters worse, my oversharing intensified theanxietyI was struggling with.

But for the first year or so that I was in therapy, I didnt have that context.

Instantly, Id apologize.

But still Id ramble on for a few more minutes before I could finally shut up.

Which is why Id make a second apology when we said goodbye.

And, hours later, a third when wed exchange the Got home safe/so fun hanging out!

My aerobics often woke him up.

To be clear: I still believe thepros of seeking professional helpfar outweigh this relatively minor con.

And I really hate feeling out of control (I gained that particular insight about myself through therapy).

There were times, especially within the first year, when I questioned whether therapy was right for me.

I even quit going for a while.

The path to whatever destination waits at the end of therapymybest self?

And thats actually kind of beautiful.

Shutting down is easy.

Being open is hard.

Especially since our human instincts tell us to protect ourselves.

Eventually Ill find the cure.

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