At 27, she’d grown used to living fast, breathless and overscheduled in Los Angeles.
She had been working a full-time job as a recruiter while finishing her master’s degree in communication management.
She spent every other waking minute launching a website for an entrepreneurial venture she’d been plotting.
The long list could be a source of anxiety, and sometimes she drove herself to exhaustion.
But the thought of the alternativea list with little or nothing on it?
That just felt wrong.
Like winning the game of life."
With her packed days, McGoodwin really did think she was winning.
“My wheels were spinning so quickly, I couldn’t keep up,” McGoodwin says.
“I fell off the deep end.”
McGoodwin decided to change.
And she started small.
She made a New Year’s resolution to at least stoptalkingabout how busy she always was.
When her friends asked, “How are you?”
Or “I’m feeling happy.”
Gradually, she tried not to be so busy.
When her boyfriend was sitting on the porch relaxing, she would no longer resent him but join him.
A year later, her health has improved.
Everyone says they’re too busy, surveys show.
Too busy to make friends outside the office.
Too busy to register to vote.
Too busy to date.
Too busy to sleep.
We feel compelled to be busy, although it strains our relationships and makes us sick.
She’s the statistician for her softball team.
She plans networking events for a leadership group.
She mentors college-bound students.
And she’s constantly trying to “better” herself, attending lectures and author events.
Now in a new relationship, she’s hoping to change that.
Stopping the busyness train takes work.
In annual surveys, the American Psychological Association has found that women report being more stressed than men.
And women are less likely to believe they’re managing it well.
“Women have shown a much more sensitized response to some stressors, particularly in terms of anxiety.”
Running to keep up can keep women spinning in busyness.
They’re going to thinkI’mnot keeping up the apartment," she says.
Megan’s outsize expectations for herself hit home when she threw the first party at their new apartment.
On a hot summer day, she decided to make pesto stromboli from scratch for the first time.
It was a disaster.
She was dripping in sweat, the stromboli was raw and doughy, and soon she was in tears.
“We ended up ordering pizza,” she said.
“And you know what?
Everyone had a lovely time.
That’s what I attempt to remember when I start getting worked up and overdoing it.”
Women in their 20s and 30s are more stressed out than virtually anyone else, surveys have shown.
They hit the job market as the economy tanked.
They’ve experienced higher unemployment rates than older workers.
They’ve job-hopped, cobbled together low-paying jobs, hunted for unpaid internships and taken on record student-loan debt.
One in five has been diagnosed with depressiona higher rate than in older Americans.
Yet for all their economic woes, what do they report as their greatest source of stress?
If choosing busyness is automatic for so many young women, there’s a good reason for it.
Most have always been busy.
As a hard-charging lawyer, she worked most evenings and weekends for years.
She hasn’t taken a vacation longer than a weekend, other than to see family.
She doesn’t have time for laundry or exercise or much of a social life.
She suffers from migraines, gastrointestinal issues and autoimmune disorders.
“My body is clearly telling me something is wrong,” she says.
“But if I’m not busy, I get really nervous.
Now she’s taking time to slow downto read, think and meditateand attempt to figure out her priorities.
“I’m at a real crossroads.
I have to figure out who I am if I’m not working all the time.”
Even on vacation, she yields to pressure to be always available to her clients and her boss.
Life, she said, felt … bigger.
So Kelton and her husband are practicing mindful unplugging at home.
They’re no longer sleeping with their phones by their beds.
She takes lunch breaks.
She goes for walks.
But this generation has been told they have the freedom to, that the range of options is infinite.
As great as that is, it is also very stressful.”
“I see that very much in my office.
“I’m constantly reminding people, ‘Life happens on your own clock.
You’re the only person creating these deadlines for yourself.'”
Get clear on what’s important and choose to spend time doing those things first.
Stahl calls them your core values.
What if we didn’t give a shot to be so perfect?
So choose to do one thing today, not 10.
And embrace the rest in all its ordinary and glorious imperfection.
Photo Credit: Yasu + Junko
